how have u been?

this past month had its ups n down n den ups n downs.

1st of all, i made it to F1!! after so many years of watchin it on tv, i finally made it :D a reli awesome experience with reli fast cars n loud loud vrooms vrooms :D red bull dominated sepang d finish was cool but cocky. it was d 1st time i saw DAT many ppl at one place. like literally packed. it took more than an hour for the place to clear after the race. oh it was reli cheap too! advantages of being a student :D RM150 only for the ticks eh. plus we had reli good seats :)

next was college enrollment. that time was reli a struggle..with popo being avidly admitted to the hospital, it was like reli hard for me to actually decide on goin abroad to study. cos i wont wanna leave cos the doc said "time was almost up". so practically those few weeks, our family spent lotsa time back home at popo's.

then 1st of may came. it was lk any normal day when we got a call to go to the hosp. when i arrived, it was too late. popo left us dy. as everyone had expected it to happen, it was a lil easier cos dad unc-s n aunts had prepared everything for the funeral n mentally too. it was still hard tho.

popo's funeral was diff than than the other funerals i've been to even grandpa's funeral at mum's side was totally diff. popo's funeral was somewhat cheerful. knowing that popo enjoyed watching us all gather back home n play, we actually did. the funeral was not like the "scary" ones ud expect to see on tv. through out the whole thing, everyone played n mingled around. of cos with limits. oh ya, popo loved flowers so we had lots n lots of flowers around n she loved burgers too. so we went to find her a vegetarian burger as an offering durin "meals" lol

another thing that made the funeral a memorable one was that almost everyone was back. only a cous who reli cudn make it din make it for d funeral. those cous who were lost in contact for years came back too. at first we cous were a lil shy to mingle but during the final night, a few of us cousins decided not too sleep to spend the last few hours with popo b4 the burial. so during dat time, we caught up with lost times. which was good. sad case tho that we only managed to mingle during the last few hours.

the funeral lasted 4 days. a day extra cos popo left us late in the evening on 1st may n we all wanted to spend a lil more time with her. n surprisingly, during those days, alms collected were way more than wad we actually expected. wad i learned from popo was if dat if u are nice n humble, ppl will remember u. n alot of ppl did! neighbours from everywher came to pay their last respects n helped out.

the last day, was reli tough. as soon as the coffin arrived, everyone broke down. it was the hardest few hours i've ever been thru. yet, everyone was supportive with each other. a few of us cousins created a closer bond during d funeral n everyone grew closer. oh yes, d funeral was reli taxing one me. health wise. i lost my appetite to eat, got my 1st gastric (i think), cudn sleep n was down with flu. i think i slept less than 10 hours for dat 4 days. now, i have to readjust my sleep time bac to "normal" which is a reli2 hard thing to do.

so after popo's passing, i decided it was a right time to go abroad as i cud finally leave kch without worrying bout popo. i've enrolled for sch n will be leaving at the end of the month. so here i am with less than 3 weeks to spend my time with my frens b4 i come back again.

us all..not all la..but most of us :)

popo with her flowers

my fam

a few of us cous

somehow, i felt that popo decided to leave at the right time. when we all sat n talked. none of our plans were interfered with the 7 days n such "traditions" n that it was a time when everyone could come back. popo, u will always remain in our hearts. even right now, i cud not bliv she's gone. cos she has always been ther. reminiscing the times with popo breaks me down easily. if u knew wad kind of person she was, ud know how we felt. she's seriously the nicest person i know. i dun think ther wud be anyone who would be as nice as she was. that part of her made her passing reli hard.

however, we've gotta accept the fact that she has left us. i love u popo. =(

you're dat near, yet so far

title explain it? been awhile since i pour what i felt or thought here. or anything at all. life's subtle. i, who was once spontaneous, has become boring. i believe so, that doing nth for the past few months has caused this. but my true intention of posting things here are to say smthg. tumblr's been a bitch. updates are over-ridden by other posts. so here it goes.

i've been swept off my feet. a girl i got to know few months back is guilty for this cause. she's gorgeous, smart, pretty, random, all the sugar, spice and everything nice. dats wad she is. but funny thing is, i've never gone out with her. yes i did see her around. n in fact am not far from where she is, but it feels, she's just so so far away. wad she did back then was intrigued me but now shun from me. well, there seems to be another dude, but to me, he seemed like a lousy control prick. that's wad u wud think if u were in my shoes. then again, i did keep in touch as often as i could, or tried to. but it was more-or-less putting off the excitement of the convo-s we had. everything became different. dull. so i decided to step away. killing off avid contact. and prolly make drop by convo-s once in awhile. but that had not stop me from thinking bout her. how could it? she's the girl next door! not exactly but technically. i did things a guy would do to woo a girl. even made a gift for her and ask for her fren's opinion. but it seems to have done nothing but to frighten her away. now that things are the way it is, how am i to say how i feel? things letting me down plus THIS is dull-ing me all up. but what made me feel slightly better is that, i kinda figured her out. what kind of person she is and what she prioritizes or the reason to her actions. but what good is that? when nth could be done? when there is no chance to let her know how or what i am. it all killed my spirit some way. i compare myself now to myself before. back then, all i could think of wad study work play. id go out early in the mornings, and return late at night. with bright visions of what id do in the near future. now, id prefer staying home, although there's nth to do feeling sloppy and not making money. all i could think of is a vacation everytime but it seems id been running away from my life, my problem. then again, even on my time away, when im not thinking bout problems at home, work, study, family, frens; when i have all the time and freedom to do anything; i think bout her.

i honestly do not know the outcome of this post. would it make things any better or worst. would we be able to talk in the near future or would we pretend to not know. as at this point im all out of hope and do not expect anything. but what would be great, would be a reply to this post, of cos if u did read this. as i know u know bout my feelings and who im referring to, its just best u told me what u thought. cos at this point, all im doing is pretend that id only want to be a fren. i've much to tell, much to write, but it'll all mean nth if u wont reply too. im talking gibberish now and think i shud go

southern girl, could u want me?

here's the deal. i kinda left blogger haha

go here!!

till then, check tumblr haha

miss me?? hahaha haven had the heart to blog at blogger or tumblr for that matter. din know wad to write or share. just this. my streamyx potong dy. ccb. not i gotta rely on the slow broadband. than again, better than nth ryte?

im tired....

im now on tumblr....lazy here ehhhh

)=

and a few hours ago...

again, i thought some more. that was after swee kang when we were talking bout songs and all. till we discussed brian mcknight. so wad i did was listen to his songs when i was back during the evening. n celaka. it hit me. one song ngam chin.

n todayyyyyyyy.........just, just now......i found.....smthg. hahaha

bye2 wanna read lost symbols huahuahuahuahua =D

a new perspective

its wednesday now. few days have since kl n everything seems to be goin slow. sighh

had a meeting earlier this morning which kinda piled up my "to-do" tasks. lotsa work, lotsa time, no car, bad weather, no motivation. i've been running lack of self-motivation to get things done. cos chances and opportunities are there. bt it seems blur cos there's no proper guideline or guidance on wad to do exactly. all there is, is a picture of what to be done. sighh

yday was an eye opener lahh. it seems, when we think of ourselves as the less fortunate, there are still others who are in much worse situations. i myself, would like to help out at anyways, but it seems, there is nth much i can do at the moment or if there is smthg i could do, would they accept my help. u knw?? its hard..other ppl too have plans of which we may not interfere with. i am in no position to actually alter their plans what more say change or improve them at all. i guess in the end, i might have to let go on "my part" of plans if the other party seems firm on what they are doing.

chances. i think i may have lost my chance last year in doing something i should have and wanted to do. but it seems hard. i have no clue in getting back on "track". sighhh im waiting for another opportunity but time seems to be against me, besides a few other factors. even if there might an opportunity, i'll prefer to wait and make sure that "things are actually what it seems to be". so its hard lahh...i think i should just "hang around" n see how things go. its hard being me.

so i guess i'll work hard lahh n see if things turn out what i would like to be. n wait for the right time and chance. like i said, it all seems blurry now. double sigh.

i am no ready to let go. yet..so i'll wait.

ehh helloo??

i think i'll be sticking to blogger rather than tumblr. but i'll post somethings up there too laa hahaha

so yday was kinda fun lahh...getting to hang out with alan n alf. bloody 4 months since i saw alf lahh haha so we hung out mostly doing shopping lah. n i bought quite a few ahh haha din know damansara was actually damn posh but nice lahh...hung out at the curve, one utama n a few places b4 we got back to watch movie hahah so few hours lah we walked. i got myself a pair of jeans btw hahaaha

n today, i'll prolly drop by pavilion b4 goin back lahh..see if there's anything to get there. hahha

ohh...the search for the t.u. miserably failed. wtff but i did find the book the lost symbols by dan brown lahh...hahahaha

yday's convo

me: eh time to go.
alan: kk
me: u staying over ah?
alan: yeah y??
me: wher's ur baju?
alan: later buy lah

LATER BUY LAHH hahaha till then...