you're dat near, yet so far

title explain it? been awhile since i pour what i felt or thought here. or anything at all. life's subtle. i, who was once spontaneous, has become boring. i believe so, that doing nth for the past few months has caused this. but my true intention of posting things here are to say smthg. tumblr's been a bitch. updates are over-ridden by other posts. so here it goes.

i've been swept off my feet. a girl i got to know few months back is guilty for this cause. she's gorgeous, smart, pretty, random, all the sugar, spice and everything nice. dats wad she is. but funny thing is, i've never gone out with her. yes i did see her around. n in fact am not far from where she is, but it feels, she's just so so far away. wad she did back then was intrigued me but now shun from me. well, there seems to be another dude, but to me, he seemed like a lousy control prick. that's wad u wud think if u were in my shoes. then again, i did keep in touch as often as i could, or tried to. but it was more-or-less putting off the excitement of the convo-s we had. everything became different. dull. so i decided to step away. killing off avid contact. and prolly make drop by convo-s once in awhile. but that had not stop me from thinking bout her. how could it? she's the girl next door! not exactly but technically. i did things a guy would do to woo a girl. even made a gift for her and ask for her fren's opinion. but it seems to have done nothing but to frighten her away. now that things are the way it is, how am i to say how i feel? things letting me down plus THIS is dull-ing me all up. but what made me feel slightly better is that, i kinda figured her out. what kind of person she is and what she prioritizes or the reason to her actions. but what good is that? when nth could be done? when there is no chance to let her know how or what i am. it all killed my spirit some way. i compare myself now to myself before. back then, all i could think of wad study work play. id go out early in the mornings, and return late at night. with bright visions of what id do in the near future. now, id prefer staying home, although there's nth to do feeling sloppy and not making money. all i could think of is a vacation everytime but it seems id been running away from my life, my problem. then again, even on my time away, when im not thinking bout problems at home, work, study, family, frens; when i have all the time and freedom to do anything; i think bout her.

i honestly do not know the outcome of this post. would it make things any better or worst. would we be able to talk in the near future or would we pretend to not know. as at this point im all out of hope and do not expect anything. but what would be great, would be a reply to this post, of cos if u did read this. as i know u know bout my feelings and who im referring to, its just best u told me what u thought. cos at this point, all im doing is pretend that id only want to be a fren. i've much to tell, much to write, but it'll all mean nth if u wont reply too. im talking gibberish now and think i shud go

southern girl, could u want me?