urghhhhhhhh!!!

i know none of these shitheads read my blog so i can post freely here! well, lately i've been having a diff perspective of the people around me.. dunno why but im full of disgust! i'll tell u 1 thing. if u dunno how to show me that lil bit of respect, i'll take EVERYTHING BACK! this i tell u.. too bad u motherfuckers are mostly likely not gonna read this. i'll just do what i know im capable of doing. i'll just walk away! i've done it many times, effortlessly m dun make me do it. so dun do shit behind my back, or i'll show u what i can do behind urs. aren't i nice enough to u all? n u have the nerve to take that for granted. u wait i tell u... 

n dun play me for a fool...dun think i dunno what's goin on. I KNOW SHIT. but i prefer to keep quite. once i had enough, i'll make sure u have a hard time. but too bad u guys wont be reading this right? 

i hope i've showed enough temper for u all to understand what is goin on...but it seems  u all are plain dumb. seriously...i regret having u as friends. 

anyways....regardless of those useless people i deal with daily, i've finally met my girl!! all i can say that, im forever grateful to have her as my girlfriend. she just awesome the way she is. she's few years younger than me but very much mature. much much more than those assholes i have to deal with. forget the assholes... putting them assholes aside, i now have someone to look forward to and someone to keep me at the right track.. that's all i wanna share bout her for now.. ily baby...dun go breaking my heart eh ;P

where do i belong?

i cried..i did.. last night in fact. that gave me the sudden urge to just write. i dunno where to rant anymore. well, i dun anymore.. i have no place to run. home doesnt even feel lk home to me anymore. i can hardly share my problems. i dun think anyone would understand. im torn up.

there. i just randomly wrote what i have been feeling lately. and worst part i have no idea why i felt dat way. till last night. just thinking bout my dad tore me up badly. i wept instantly. i have not spoken to my dad in a really long time. so long, i could only remember i last spoke to him when i was back in kuching. im not sure but i think there's an misunderstanding between us and i just dunno what's goin on. i know i've hurt u daddy, but im sorry. i really am. i feel like shit when i have no one from home calling me to check on me. im still ur son daddy. dun u care bout me anymore? :( why dun u call me as often as before. when u dun call, i become afraid of calling home. and lately, i've been really missing u daddy, but i just dunno how to pick up the phone n dial ur number as freely anymore. i miss you daddy... i miss having conversations with u. i miss that u'll tell me the right thing to do. now that u dun call, i totally hav no one to confront during bad times. all i have is my own solitary space. i'd just sit and wonder what just went wrong. i feel lost at times. real lost. sometimes, i dunno what the hell im doing in kl. i dun even know if im studying what i want at times. im afraid of what the future could turn up to be. daddy, i need u. i try be as independent as possible. hell..i think i've been too independent. i still need u daddy... i just feel so long thinking back of what u said. i feel lk u've left me here stranded not caring bout me. u told me u were gonna support me in my studies. but why do i resort to doing bad stuff to support and fund myself. i know very well what im doing is so wrong. if i had a choice i wont do it at all.. but its what im good at. i can only count on doing that to survive. but then again im doing it. no matter what i have to fend for myself and to defend my actions, im still wrong. cos i already know i am. i feel like crap lately. daddy, i know our family is goin through hard times and u cudn possibly send what u promise u wud give me. i dun care bout money daddy! i u had given me the full amount, or een just 10 bucks, i wont complain. have i ever complained daddy? all this while, i;ve been taught by u to earn what i want. and i did. but u literally left me to earn everything for myself. haven u thought how i could ridiculously obtain lots of money? i dun even enjoy spending the money i make daddy. not if u knew where it came from. 

i used to want to go back home so often. i felt so at home back in kuching. i feel otherwise lately, when i go back, u dun pick me up anymore. u dun send me off anymore. we dun have dinner anymore. we dun even have a proper conversation anymore. am i not wanted at home? i feel lk i have no place to go dy. i miss u daddy... :(