you're dat near, yet so far

title explain it? been awhile since i pour what i felt or thought here. or anything at all. life's subtle. i, who was once spontaneous, has become boring. i believe so, that doing nth for the past few months has caused this. but my true intention of posting things here are to say smthg. tumblr's been a bitch. updates are over-ridden by other posts. so here it goes.

i've been swept off my feet. a girl i got to know few months back is guilty for this cause. she's gorgeous, smart, pretty, random, all the sugar, spice and everything nice. dats wad she is. but funny thing is, i've never gone out with her. yes i did see her around. n in fact am not far from where she is, but it feels, she's just so so far away. wad she did back then was intrigued me but now shun from me. well, there seems to be another dude, but to me, he seemed like a lousy control prick. that's wad u wud think if u were in my shoes. then again, i did keep in touch as often as i could, or tried to. but it was more-or-less putting off the excitement of the convo-s we had. everything became different. dull. so i decided to step away. killing off avid contact. and prolly make drop by convo-s once in awhile. but that had not stop me from thinking bout her. how could it? she's the girl next door! not exactly but technically. i did things a guy would do to woo a girl. even made a gift for her and ask for her fren's opinion. but it seems to have done nothing but to frighten her away. now that things are the way it is, how am i to say how i feel? things letting me down plus THIS is dull-ing me all up. but what made me feel slightly better is that, i kinda figured her out. what kind of person she is and what she prioritizes or the reason to her actions. but what good is that? when nth could be done? when there is no chance to let her know how or what i am. it all killed my spirit some way. i compare myself now to myself before. back then, all i could think of wad study work play. id go out early in the mornings, and return late at night. with bright visions of what id do in the near future. now, id prefer staying home, although there's nth to do feeling sloppy and not making money. all i could think of is a vacation everytime but it seems id been running away from my life, my problem. then again, even on my time away, when im not thinking bout problems at home, work, study, family, frens; when i have all the time and freedom to do anything; i think bout her.

i honestly do not know the outcome of this post. would it make things any better or worst. would we be able to talk in the near future or would we pretend to not know. as at this point im all out of hope and do not expect anything. but what would be great, would be a reply to this post, of cos if u did read this. as i know u know bout my feelings and who im referring to, its just best u told me what u thought. cos at this point, all im doing is pretend that id only want to be a fren. i've much to tell, much to write, but it'll all mean nth if u wont reply too. im talking gibberish now and think i shud go

southern girl, could u want me?

here's the deal. i kinda left blogger haha

go here!!

till then, check tumblr haha

miss me?? hahaha haven had the heart to blog at blogger or tumblr for that matter. din know wad to write or share. just this. my streamyx potong dy. ccb. not i gotta rely on the slow broadband. than again, better than nth ryte?

im tired....

im now on tumblr....lazy here ehhhh

)=

and a few hours ago...

again, i thought some more. that was after swee kang when we were talking bout songs and all. till we discussed brian mcknight. so wad i did was listen to his songs when i was back during the evening. n celaka. it hit me. one song ngam chin.

n todayyyyyyyy.........just, just now......i found.....smthg. hahaha

bye2 wanna read lost symbols huahuahuahuahua =D

a new perspective

its wednesday now. few days have since kl n everything seems to be goin slow. sighh

had a meeting earlier this morning which kinda piled up my "to-do" tasks. lotsa work, lotsa time, no car, bad weather, no motivation. i've been running lack of self-motivation to get things done. cos chances and opportunities are there. bt it seems blur cos there's no proper guideline or guidance on wad to do exactly. all there is, is a picture of what to be done. sighh

yday was an eye opener lahh. it seems, when we think of ourselves as the less fortunate, there are still others who are in much worse situations. i myself, would like to help out at anyways, but it seems, there is nth much i can do at the moment or if there is smthg i could do, would they accept my help. u knw?? its hard..other ppl too have plans of which we may not interfere with. i am in no position to actually alter their plans what more say change or improve them at all. i guess in the end, i might have to let go on "my part" of plans if the other party seems firm on what they are doing.

chances. i think i may have lost my chance last year in doing something i should have and wanted to do. but it seems hard. i have no clue in getting back on "track". sighhh im waiting for another opportunity but time seems to be against me, besides a few other factors. even if there might an opportunity, i'll prefer to wait and make sure that "things are actually what it seems to be". so its hard lahh...i think i should just "hang around" n see how things go. its hard being me.

so i guess i'll work hard lahh n see if things turn out what i would like to be. n wait for the right time and chance. like i said, it all seems blurry now. double sigh.

i am no ready to let go. yet..so i'll wait.

ehh helloo??

i think i'll be sticking to blogger rather than tumblr. but i'll post somethings up there too laa hahaha

so yday was kinda fun lahh...getting to hang out with alan n alf. bloody 4 months since i saw alf lahh haha so we hung out mostly doing shopping lah. n i bought quite a few ahh haha din know damansara was actually damn posh but nice lahh...hung out at the curve, one utama n a few places b4 we got back to watch movie hahah so few hours lah we walked. i got myself a pair of jeans btw hahaaha

n today, i'll prolly drop by pavilion b4 goin back lahh..see if there's anything to get there. hahha

ohh...the search for the t.u. miserably failed. wtff but i did find the book the lost symbols by dan brown lahh...hahahaha

yday's convo

me: eh time to go.
alan: kk
me: u staying over ah?
alan: yeah y??
me: wher's ur baju?
alan: later buy lah

LATER BUY LAHH hahaha till then...

love compasion and kindness

i have a friend, who has taught me a really good value. PATIENCE. n how is that?? mamal, the special friend of mine has actually been consistently "off-timed". so yalah...bearing with his timely arrivals, i learned the value of PATIENCE. n yes i can say that i am very PATIENT!!!! hahahahaha

im got my hair done today. n im not BALD eve!! hahaha i got a trim at the barber! been ages since i went to barbers hahaha was outta money mahh haha at first i had doubts lahh but he old dude turned out to be really damn good hahahha cos i had special hair mahh so he said something bout my hair so i find him good lahh hahahahhahaha in the end, i turned out pleased with my hair lahh hahaha i feel so much lk a gentleman =)))))

did i tell u, i have started to play games. again. all i can do is wonder how my crops are doing and when can i harvest them. n if my food at my cafe is done. or the layout of my cafe. hahah thanks to eunice lahh!! funny girl LOL she was playing it and all so yalah. being kinda obsessed with it she talks bout the game hahahaha yday i literally had nth to do so i tried out the game lahh.. n now like dat that lahh...im even playing those facebook games at work lol

ep4 of gossip girl season 3 is out! n hilary duff is in it!! hahahahahahaha she went from chubby to skinny and back to chubby hahahah n she's chubby cute hahahah but then again. she cant beat serena!! hahahah oh S!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

ohhhh ya, daddy said he was proud of me earlier this morning!! hahaha he said i had the 3 above =D