@ X.Y.L.O

2011-11-23T00:11:00.000+08:00

scratch the last post.. i have a car!!! haha life's getting brighter.. with different kinds of hiccups.. but fuck la.. tired of all this shit dy.. please throw me a straight ball.. a throw i can handle..

2011-10-25T23:33:00.001+08:00

all seems well.. but at times, like these, i dunno what i want. i feel hollow. empty. alone. if only i had a car. wtffff

2011-10-16T02:39:00.002+08:00

i can finally say that i am happy =)

im 22!!

2011-08-20T01:33:00.000+08:00

another year has passed. swiftly. so fast, it felt like i've missed alot! anyways, happy bday to me! being 22 so far is a great feeling.. its nice to feel loved.. makes every tomorrow worthwhile =)

and half a year flew by..

2011-07-01T21:20:00.000+08:00

anyone noticed its already 1st of july? half a year flew by. it felt like it was only a few months back that cny had passed. AGAIN, i looked back wondering what i've managed to do.. well, i've messed up last semester to be honest.. wasnt really proud with my results. too much partying i guess.. and the partying has made me lost the KGs i do not have! wtf right? alot of ppl said im skinny as hell and ya, I AM! lol i've been trying to put on weight since i dunno when but every attempt failed. i eat more than i've been eating..slept early n doing all i can think off to gain my weight back, at least; the NORMAL way.

other than that, i've met a few people whom im pleased im over n done with. i've never really expected someone so close to betray my trust.. poor u.. i may not fend my anger but i know how to do somethings people find hard to do. i can let go. see, i have already told u what i was capable off and u could still betray my trust. then again, another one has pissed me off alot lately, chances after chances, still he could not keep his work and at the same time continuing to lie to me when i already know what's going. i am no fool. i can be nice enough to give u lots but im also mean enough to take everything back. seriously a bastard child..

then again, on a good note, i hope things would be better off in the near future, im looking forward to moving to a slightly cheaper place. without air-conditioning and the very important water heater. HAHA well, i dun think those staying in the house deserve such luxury when all they do is mess up! but ya...i'll get to buy my own furniture and all now la...seems like im really gonna settle down in kl.. ;D

n ya...did i mention bout this girl i met? i know i did.. but ya! she's awesome! :D haha

urghhhhhhhh!!!

2011-06-19T13:37:00.000+08:00

i know none of these shitheads read my blog so i can post freely here! well, lately i've been having a diff perspective of the people around me.. dunno why but im full of disgust! i'll tell u 1 thing. if u dunno how to show me that lil bit of respect, i'll take EVERYTHING BACK! this i tell u.. too bad u motherfuckers are mostly likely not gonna read this. i'll just do what i know im capable of doing. i'll just walk away! i've done it many times, effortlessly m dun make me do it. so dun do shit behind my back, or i'll show u what i can do behind urs. aren't i nice enough to u all? n u have the nerve to take that for granted. u wait i tell u...

n dun play me for a fool...dun think i dunno what's goin on. I KNOW SHIT. but i prefer to keep quite. once i had enough, i'll make sure u have a hard time. but too bad u guys wont be reading this right?

i hope i've showed enough temper for u all to understand what is goin on...but it seems u all are plain dumb. seriously...i regret having u as friends.

anyways....regardless of those useless people i deal with daily, i've finally met my girl!! all i can say that, im forever grateful to have her as my girlfriend. she just awesome the way she is. she's few years younger than me but very much mature. much much more than those assholes i have to deal with. forget the assholes... putting them assholes aside, i now have someone to look forward to and someone to keep me at the right track.. that's all i wanna share bout her for now.. ily baby...dun go breaking my heart eh ;P

where do i belong?

2011-06-07T11:48:00.000+08:00

i cried..i did.. last night in fact. that gave me the sudden urge to just write. i dunno where to rant anymore. well, i dun anymore.. i have no place to run. home doesnt even feel lk home to me anymore. i can hardly share my problems. i dun think anyone would understand. im torn up.

there. i just randomly wrote what i have been feeling lately. and worst part i have no idea why i felt dat way. till last night. just thinking bout my dad tore me up badly. i wept instantly. i have not spoken to my dad in a really long time. so long, i could only remember i last spoke to him when i was back in kuching. im not sure but i think there's an misunderstanding between us and i just dunno what's goin on. i know i've hurt u daddy, but im sorry. i really am. i feel like shit when i have no one from home calling me to check on me. im still ur son daddy. dun u care bout me anymore? :( why dun u call me as often as before. when u dun call, i become afraid of calling home. and lately, i've been really missing u daddy, but i just dunno how to pick up the phone n dial ur number as freely anymore. i miss you daddy... i miss having conversations with u. i miss that u'll tell me the right thing to do. now that u dun call, i totally hav no one to confront during bad times. all i have is my own solitary space. i'd just sit and wonder what just went wrong. i feel lost at times. real lost. sometimes, i dunno what the hell im doing in kl. i dun even know if im studying what i want at times. im afraid of what the future could turn up to be. daddy, i need u. i try be as independent as possible. hell..i think i've been too independent. i still need u daddy... i just feel so long thinking back of what u said. i feel lk u've left me here stranded not caring bout me. u told me u were gonna support me in my studies. but why do i resort to doing bad stuff to support and fund myself. i know very well what im doing is so wrong. if i had a choice i wont do it at all.. but its what im good at. i can only count on doing that to survive. but then again im doing it. no matter what i have to fend for myself and to defend my actions, im still wrong. cos i already know i am. i feel like crap lately. daddy, i know our family is goin through hard times and u cudn possibly send what u promise u wud give me. i dun care bout money daddy! i u had given me the full amount, or een just 10 bucks, i wont complain. have i ever complained daddy? all this while, i;ve been taught by u to earn what i want. and i did. but u literally left me to earn everything for myself. haven u thought how i could ridiculously obtain lots of money? i dun even enjoy spending the money i make daddy. not if u knew where it came from.

i used to want to go back home so often. i felt so at home back in kuching. i feel otherwise lately, when i go back, u dun pick me up anymore. u dun send me off anymore. we dun have dinner anymore. we dun even have a proper conversation anymore. am i not wanted at home? i feel lk i have no place to go dy. i miss u daddy... :(

she's a monster

2011-02-23T09:56:00.000+08:00

damn stress to witness all that is to be given but cant be received. gibberish. fuck fml x10 now

2011-02-14T00:03:00.001+08:00

i have the sudden urge to write a post. after reading eve's blog. i saw how much she could still write about her life, but i couldnt. im not as expressive as i used to be. i very much preferred it when i used to blog. id just let out my frustration and my thoughts on to this so called page of mine. and now? i just can seem to express myself like i did before. FML.

then again, i should probably share something bout what i feel lately. depressed. how so? i have feel that i have too many things to worry bout. goin through an emo phase now. sad thing is. i dun share shit i really feel to anyone. i just cant. too many secrets to hide. too many ppl's feelings to care bout. why am i liddat? why do i care bout my frens so much? so much i hardly get my peace of mind, my freedom; to do anything i want, quietly. i just want to. i have no one to count one. then there was this girl involved. yah!! a girl. she was nice. damn nice. too nice infact. showed how much she cared for me. pampered me. show me what it is like to be loved. problem is, i dun love her. i cudn giv in to her as much as i wud for my friends. so i just cudn keep dragging it on right? so i ended it. i felt really really bad. loved her. wasnt in love. wasnt happy. see the problem? then u know, collateral damage? fuck this shit seriously. other ppl get affected. and i dun wanna share this to anyone, why? cos i dun wanna cause a stir. things are good now. getting better. i've finally settled down. like i said with my friends and all. things are getting cheaper. and by things, if i have not mentioned, i am a consumer or marijuana. pot. weed. wad ever u call it. i am a pot head. weed has helped me in many ways. like when i cant sleep. like when i need to control take sudden outburst of mine. i feel more at peace with weed. and i have organized some things to secure my life of which i will tell about when im done doing it. probably thats why. thats why i cant express myself anymore. too much at stake. one wrong move. all could be gone. i wud be gone. dat serious. can imagine? knot right? haih. but i cant share. i cant share so much, i've made this a habit. i became an introvert. yah!! when i realized that? just now! after i read eve's blog, i realized how much i've kept things inside me. been keeping it all. why? i cant trust a person enough yet to let them know whats really inside me. dats it la. dats bout all that explains me now. and for that, i feel lonely. after know what it felt like to have someone around. or simply just to have someone. yahhhh!! there u go again. but then i cant commit. yeay me :D bye

2010-12-11T01:58:00.000+08:00

i am tired. i have problems old people have. i worry too much. im disappointed. i need a break. i miss kuching. i miss having little to worry bout. at times i think im holding in too much. i have no one to share my actual thoughts. FML /.\

Food for Thought

2010-11-22T08:47:00.001+08:00

i am turning into an asshole and i dont like the idea.

kuching so far

2010-10-29T05:43:00.000+08:00

i finally got my hands on constant internet access after 2 whole freaking months without it, depriving this sad outdated blog. boo hoo...

so far...its 5.18. it has been even 9 hours since i got back from kd. honestly, i feel lk goin back to kd at this very instant. why? apparently, during my brief time here, i have already found out things that i deem sad to me. my normal group of friends do not hang out as often as they do. i've also heard stories of 2 aqquaintances being involved in stupid accidents and the passing of another friend. hearing things like these were not what i expected to come by during my time here. i had always thought that kuching would remain the same as i left it but it seems, that during my time away, although it has only been few months, things has drastically changed. then it struck me. people change. for better or worst, now i dun give shit. funny thing is, those i thought would stick around for a long(er) time, apparently DID NOT! and its sad to find out that from a large group of friends of whom we normally hang out everyday with, we're ended up 3! 3! wtf-ish. big time!!

im being honest to say that im rather disappointed (already) with my trip here. and im glad its brief. i cant wait to return to kd to the people who means most to me at the moment. friends who i call my family. im glad to feel that i have already settled down with my friends at kd. and i cant get enough of them. making a foreign place home to me. talking bout being at home. i felt totally different driving back home earlier. having felt a "different feeling" compared to what i felt driving home before. i dont feel the urge to hang out more having found out what happened. but by saying all i have just said, im sure as hell hope i do not turn into those hypocritical bastards that made my night unpleasant, just by listening to updates on them. again, wtf-ish. big time!!

ending this sadist post. goodnight, i hope to see those i expect to see, have a good time here and try finish my assignments while im here. efff!!!! :((

the catalyst

2010-08-19T03:28:00.001+08:00

well, if u dunno yet, im 21!! yes 21.. i feel no different than yesterday. i still have not changed. other than the age part. lol but the way i look at the age of 21, other than the freedom everyone normally sees or anything else in norm, i see the age of 21 as a gateway of opportunities. every year i age, would be a year closer to my personal goals i look forward to achieve. TIME IS RUNNING OUT!! so while taking a shower (one of my fav time to think lol), i decided to sort out my goals again and just share them with my fellow readers. its not like i have many readers, but somehow, its good that i dont so u guys wont copy my goals eh??? hahaha

so what have i managed to achieve before today? not much actually.

1. i finally got the opportunity to study abroad and live the phase i feel everyone should go through. the student life. the phase where we learn to be independent, to care for ourselves, to miss and worry bout those at home, to worry bout tmr's meal, to look forward to goin back, to experience the dilemma of not goin back lol, to make new friends, to start off at a clean slate, to try new things out, see new places, to FINISH our studies and to learn to be an adult.

2. i managed to experience a brief moment of working life before moving to kl.. to try broker-ship, to manage events, to write posts for a magazine, to appear in media (a week wei!! plus live on radio too :D), to understand procedures and protocols of some useful stuff and to meet influential people. not bad ahh?? i can say im quite proud of what i've managed to do tho there are failures and disappointments, i've learn much of things by which we cant simply pay for.

3. i've completed my diploma without problems. my 3 years in SEGi Kuching, although it was suppose to be 2 and a half haha

4. traveled alone to different places and to experience diff cultures and enjoy the my alone time. im really glad i did this one, although i've only managed to visit Bali, Jakarta and Kota Kinabalu; and of cos a brief moment in Penang, im hope to visit more places in the near future n with wishful thinking, the whole world. and not to forget, i did all of my travel using my savings too!! and just so u know, if im not wrong, i've been atleast on the plane twice a month (return flights of cos) back and forth to where ever it is for more than a year now. airasia should give me a special flying miles account hehehe

5. to read books!! im not a fan of reading but i did!! 3 in fact. all dan brown's tho HAHAHA well, i read only when i travel far away tho. so yeah.. cant blame me.

6. to indulge in shopping! yessss!! shopping!!! lately, due to the convenience of stayin in kl, shopping malls are not burning but torching a big hole in my account. i got to buy things i never thought i could afford. of cos, i worked and saved really hard la.. =D

7. to vindicate people. well, this, i've only managed to help one friend of mine tho. no details bout this as its pnc. but yeah..i look forward to doin more :)

8. play sports!! yes..although i have really bad stamina, i've tried to get myself involved in sports. n i did! squash is the bomb...then futsal, dodgeball!! :D, frisbee!! all with intention to build my stamina and lead a healthier live. we intoxicate our body so we must work it all out too ryte? haha

okay...dats bout all i managed to do. after typing them down, im impressed by myself actually =D hahahahaha now that i've listed what i've accomplished, imma try prioritize my current goals by the age of 25

1. to get my own place. buy it of cos. big shot goal but im damn motivated to do so.

2. to get cars of mine. yes. CARS!! not one, but atleast more than one la haha

3. to learn how to ride a bike, and then own a nice one.

4. to complete my degree and hopefully get the opportunity to complete it abroad

5. to get involved in more event management.

6. to learn to play the guitar properly. of cos, i'll have to get one.

7. to indulge in more social activities and sports.

8. to bulid my body. yes....this i really need motivation haha

9. to earn my quarter million at least by 25. and a my 1st million by 28

10. to travel and see more places. thailand in january yaw!! and of cos, more of Bali :)

11. to fulfill those promises i've made. the one's i forgot and have no idea about haha

12. to learn to cook more dishes

13. to work in a big firm after my degree. yes. i have a plan which i hope will workout

14. to own different businesses. atleast 2 by 25.

15. to make more awesome friends to add to my current ones.

16. to repay the debt i feel i owe to those who've helped me during bad times

17. to voice out my opinion and my thoughts to my mum's family once im doing alright. to prove that i am better off without inherited money

18. to help children. as i adore them. kids deserve to live their childhood better than i did. i envy them eh. they'ed have no worries, they dream dreams we dun dream about anymore and are damn adorable. looking at things the way i see it, i feel people's personalities do not change from young. so i guess, the best way to make the world a better place, is to nuture and guide kids from young. true??

19. to compile my thoughts and philosophy and prolly write a book bout it

20. to continue vindicating more people. if u do not know wad it is, vindication is a process of cleansing a person's reputation. something liddat ah. to clean or ward off the bad name people impose in them. and when u manage to do so, u'll feel on top of the world.

21. to get to watch concerts of my fav bands namely incubus!! before they grow too old to perform haha

22. to participate in a foundation, welfare or anything similar. UNICEF!!

23. to continue being who i am. to stand for what i feel is right.

24. to make a impact in the kuching community

25. to change improve my self confidence. be more bold in actions of mine and rock people's lives :D

26. and finally to try support my family as soon as possible.

quite alot eh? well, the more the better. and if i cant manage to complete atleast a few in the coming one year, atleast i would be in progress in doin so

now that i've listed my goals and all. id like to talk bout me. u see... i live a very different childhood and event currently, compared to those of my peers. yes, a few of them have their own problems too. but i feel the live i've lived for the 21 years im alive is nt smthg anyone would want to experience. why so? i may have not shared my situation with many but im glad for the problems i faced has built me and made me who i am today. of cos, there are those few 'gui ren-s' (eve!! see i know how to use this word dy haha) who has helped and indirectly guided me through mishaps and im grateful for them to be around. i've realized too, although i cant explain how "terrible" my situation is at the moment, i get to indulge in things i never thought i would be able to indulge in. and besides that, i've realized that i, all this while, have been living comfortaby in a sense that, there's always good food to eat, that i always manage to get a big room for myself, that i always manage to live a life of luxury although i may not afford them. why so? i do not know as well. and for that i feel grateful that such things are always around for me to enjoy. :D

and my wonderful friends :) yes. i have wonderful friends i love. great ones. i dunno why too. but i always seem to meet and have the right people as friends. i believe tho its how u treat them, u cherish them, u talk to them, trust them and believe in them that makes the difference. through experience, i've learned that we should treat others the way we want to be treated back. sincerity too plays an important part. 'results' may not show early and in case of people misunderstanding you, someday, you will be vindicated. its all a matter of time and belief. dats the reason why i believe alot in vindication u see.. back to my friends. i cant ask for better friends than i already have, cos they are the best dy. :) i feel loved by them, n i love my frens a hell lot!! lk dat much!! u know or not??? DAT MUCH!!! so much so i regard my closest frens as family. i seriously, honestly cannot live without them. my closest frens can tell la hahaha and i wish to see my all my frens, the closest one especially succeed in life together in the future :D

another thing i'd like to talk bout, im feeling old talking so much crap dy. bt yeah..ermm...u see.. one advice to all is to not have expectations from other people but to expect alot from yourself. expectations are what kills us all, spoils our mood and destroys us. yes we may have to expect for things like quality and work bla bla bla and all but what im talking bout is expectations in a sense of damn..i dunno how to explain la... well, erm..if u have less expectations, the stupid useless ones, we would get disappointed less, n by that, we live happier lives. we should know what we deserve and be contented with what we have at the same time. only then would we not have ridiculous expectations. u get wad i mean? just be contented. but not too much. dats the part im trying to improve of myself. yes i do appreciate wad i have but i get too contented with what i already have. i believe i do not demand for my rights as much as i need to. dat way, i feel that i've lost many opportunities just by being pleased with what i already have. expect in moderation and demand what we actually deserve. from now on, im imma try do that. so dun think im bitching up okay!! i feel its bout time i get what i rightfully deserve.

last but not least, my family. through all the bad and good times ive been through, i've been through them with my family. im glad i have a dad, a mom, a bro and sis like mine. all of which made me who i am today. im glad my dad and mum is comfortable of sharing their problems with me and that to be felt that my presence makes a difference. however, i am too worried for thing to be in the near future and i really hope, things would turn out alright.

i think dats bout all i want to say for this post of mine during my bday :D n i have a feeling it is far by the most organized one too! haha. kudos aaron!! :D i guess im doin alright at the moment, besides the down side of things. and for this bday of mine, i've been wished by my frens and all and i really do feel loved :D i've been told to have a blast but i feel, i should do things my way. and have a quieter and more relaxed 21st bday compare to others and to spend time with loved ones rather than partying all way through. thanks tho for all the wishes again :D now im looking forward to my bday cake.....man..i want a good big piece of a real good cheese cake tmr. ;) hehehehehehe

thats all folks!!

love,
Aaron

the nurturing phase.

2010-08-17T18:07:00.000+08:00

now that i've nthg much to do, i guess blogging is the best thing to do to waste time or rather keep me busy. why blogger? it seems tumblr doesn fit me...too much nonsense. lk for example, we'd keep hitting the reblog button. and not only do we do that, but other people too...at the end of the day, it'll end up to be smthg lk spams. well, unless ur an avid comp user den u can keep up la haha

its a tuesday. a rainy one. plans kinda spoilt due to that and other reasons too.. damn..i dunno what to write but im just so effin bored.

i had a real good chat wif eve last night. havent had a chat liddat for a really long time. im glad i stayed awake long enuf to get to chat wif her too. n after chatting, i honestly can say i miss hanging out u, eve. miss those good convos we can have. but then, time, place, studies and diff frens kinda made it not so possible to hang out as often as we used too. n now its been months before i last saw her. n she's leaving for uk in a month's time. sighh..

sumhow, after posting the previous post, i feel did actually feel better. has been a real long time before i expressed anything out. bt for somethings i knot say in public, i got to share them wif eve. thks a bunch eve.

it all got me thinking and got me to straighten out my goals again. lk i told my best buddies a few months back, goin to kl to study would not mean a new chapter of my life. but id prefer to see it as a race. and every time id return home to kuching would serve as a pit stop to restore my energy and to keep me motivated to finish the race of mine. well i guess, for the 1st holiday dat i've returned, i guess, i feel that i've been motivated once more.

p.s. eve, ur thinkin too hard :P

then and now..

2010-08-16T04:53:00.000+08:00

now that im back to kch, finally getting to enjoy my holiday, i feel i owe my blogs some good times. it was not too long ago when i last posted but a hell long time ago before i actually let my heart out.

1st. the house is almost complete. sink's ready. just a lil more cleaning to do. but lets just leave them be, till i get back. i do hope the house dun turn upside down during my time here. having a place of my own in kl, i realized i felt half hearted when i was suppose to return to kch. why so? its not just a house to me, its a home. a place i look forward to go back to all the time. and the fun!! im missing out of the happenings there. dayumm.. then again, the house kinda showed me the part of me i did not know. all these while, i;ve been reluctant to do any house chores but when it comes to your own place, i feel a lil bit more responsible in things (making me realize the responsible part of me =D) and the tidy part of me too! i'd be cleaning the house when i can just to make sure it looks and feels tidy and clean. i am too, grateful for having housemates of mine. they'ed actually clean the house too. who says stoners cant be clean responsible people?? well, wad ever it is, im kinda proud of myself that i have handled the house quite well. bt worried too, cos i have taken a risk whereby, if things hopefully works out as planned will mean i get to stay comfortably in kl during my studies, and if not, id loose a hell lot of money. *prays*

2nd. i missed my flight to kch actually u know onot??!! i am myself surprised i missed my flight. i guess i was too carried away wif my activities and just made a costly mistake. i guess that was an eye opener tho. n how did i miss my flight? haha well, i actually did recheck when my flight was. assuming it was on sat, i just looked at the time of flight. and as i tot that i was goin back on sat, on fri night, very late at night, i decided to check the flight time again. n i came to shock when i realized the flight was on fri! bloody mistake cost me rm300 wei! but im actually glad i did go back on sat tho. cos i got to hav a gathering at my place, and get some very important issues settled

3rd. i wonder why adults can be such huge hypocrites. just last night, after my flight, i headed home to shower and left home for grandma's bday. it all seemed well till my uncle decided to have a family discussion among the siblings. and it did not turn out well. in fact there was alot screaming and all. and what were they arguing about? from what i could see, it was bout the property granddad left before he passed on. i could remember clearly, we were thought that blood is thicker than water. that should change that statement now as water isn relevant nemore. wad it should actually be is blood is thicker den all the bloody money in the world. easy to say and it seems really hard to do ryte? somehow, inside us, i feel that we have that greed in us. but why? the will is always a fucked up problem and that when one dies, in fact 2 problem arises. the death and the will. from there, ud even see siblings stabbing each others back for what THEY THINK they deserve. but the thing is, its not u to decide what u deserve or not. its for the old dude to decide. if he left u nothing or very little, it means, there's usually other siblings that need it more ryte? if not, u fucked up! deal wif it. but then again, from what i observed yday, that one uncle had all he need n still wanted somemore. are u not contented wif ur life? u have all the money u need and still u want more? i cant simply understand why people are liddat. please la. be contented and grateful wif what u already have. im not saying its wrong to go for more. but to the extend of jeopardizing the relationship with ur own siblings? dats just plain stupid. adults thought us to care for one another and all but it seems the hypocritically dont! who's gonna help u when ur in trouble? who's gonna be ur companion, to talk to u, chat wif u when ur old? ur siblings damnit! wad can u do if u got that piece of what ever it is? yes, u might get smthg nice or live more comfortably. but can u live without it? hell yes! we got got almost nothing and arent complaining.. i swore i almost screamed at my aunt and unc last night but wad the hell for? and im glad i did not. plus, that side of the family was the side that fucked my family up. eff u all. filthy two face asses. im glad we moved out from that shit hole house earlier this year. the whole time i was ther i mostly spent my time in my room know what was goin on. shit heads. it seems all the gathering u people have are means to promptly remind u of the money u want. of all the 10 siblings they have, i see good only in 3 of them. the rest are crap. have i fought wif my siblings before? yes. who hasnt? but not for money. i quarrel or argue only if i felt smthg was wrong. cant u be liddat? rather then prying over each other's things. i dunno wad else to say but i''ve got more to say. all i can say is that, im happy being poor rather than well off like u ungrateful asses. n did u know they were the ones that looked down on my other side of the family? u dun even have to say u do cos i can tell. and its so bloody obvious. yalah..ur sons and daughters are smart, the receive possibly the best education and all but u all are shit heads. efffff...

4th. how to avoid the shit in no.3 from happening? easy. be sincere. dun want something back when u give something. and even if u dun want anything back, dun remind people wad u did? im sure i dun seriously "ungkit" at all. n i know by not doing so, it paid off. i feel contented with my life. yes i do have wants and all, bt not to the extent of "stealing" it. just make do of what u have and be when u do something for someone, be sincere! n mark my words, it makes a difference

5th. now that i kinda let my heart out on wad happened last night, id like to tell u bout myself. as far as i can recall, i have not told anyone this. stop asking me why im single all these years la. yes, it might be a joke but i have my reasons. and its not easy. people ask me how can u stand being single all these while. all i do is keep quiet and smile. u just do it!! if u had reasons, den ud know how. whats mine? back in secondary school, my family had financial problems and that led to many other problems that just popped out of the blue. i was young then but not ignorant of what was happening. but then, what happened back then made a big impact to me. made me what i am now, made me think how i think now, made me act how i act now. although the financial problems my family had wasn as bad as it seems, but it sure did alot of damage. honestly, i lived a pretty dull life during my secondary school compared to my bro n sis now. most people wouldnt understand so i prefer to keep all i felt to myself. i do not even tell my best frens what i've been though cos it just hard to express. all i can say is that due to what happened, i found myself to be more timid and careful. i observe people more and trust people. what actually is, is that, i told myself to stay single until i feel comfortable to be with someone i like. people just dun understand what i've been through and would think i missed out and am a fool. honestly, i feel that i've missed out alot. ALOT. bt its wad i told myself to do and im sticking to it. its not easy u know.. everytime i feel i have feelings for someone, i shy away, staying in the friends barrier. and its not dat i dun want to be in a relationship but i just feel that i cant. all i can go for is to have someone to talk to and be there to listen to my ramblings and all. and its hard to not do smthg when u want to and even harder when u see the one that u like be with someone else. i have had so many chances but decided not to take em although i really wanted to but i have my reasons. and for that i may have hurt people, especially one i know that i did. and i cant say sorry cos my apology could be irrelevant at this moment and to you too. i knew i blew more than 1 year of chances given to me but again, i have my firm reasons. i hope u know who u are, and i hope u could connect the dots. sighhh...

bt why cant i just try things out with other people? the problem is i know what and who i want. i dun try things out to see if they work, i'll try things out when i know it will work and i do not intend to be in anything brief. the unnecessary pain would just slow me down on my goals. so do u get me? ): all i could use now, is someone to talk to, to share some of my thoughts and feelings.

6th. and there's one more thing i dun do. i dun do the back-stab bullshit. even when it comes to girls. id simply give away the chance or the idea of the chance to be with someone i like to a fren of mine cos to me, friends come 1st. i cant simply accept the idea of passing girlfriends around among friends or date anyone in the friend circle. wad kinda bs is dat? its weird, at least to me. n due to that, i missed out in the relationship thing. but why give them up? friends come before girls, until i found the right one la AHAHAHA and of cos, my reason from no.5. then again if it happens to me someday, wad to do ryte? bt id try to stay away from my friends 'past'. i think its healthier and better to meet someone having almost nothing to do wif ur frens or family for that matter . and for that girl in no.5 i mentioned bout, if she realized, i am not being friends with her friends but merely think of them as acquaintances just so incase i have the chance again.

i guess dats bout all i had in mind to say right now apart of many other things i have in mind. n its late now. n i hope i opened some eyes if this is actually being read. my posts seem messy ryte? look at the time and mind me. late nights make me think alot.

chao-s and take care and do look forward to my other nags soon. i hope :P

hooooooo

2010-08-10T12:00:00.002+08:00

i checked blogger recently and found out that the last i posted anything was on may 11th!! damn long wei..dats lk almost 3 months wei!! thank the un-constant internet connection laaaa..

since the last post, many things happened! im currently studying in damansara, taking my degree, my 2nd month here dy, and here i am, posting this, im my own place!! :D stolen wifi of cos HAHAHA (thank u aztech whoever u are)

so im actually on my holidays. and why aren't i back in kch u may ask. cos i had decided to stay back a while longer to look for my own place after suffering the common toilet in the hostel for 2 whole months. so i finally got my own place and when i did, i was on top of the world for a whole week i guess, cos my fren said i just couldnt stop smiling LOL then again, im currently staying at Palm Springs at Sunway Damansara. not too far from school, just a bus ride down 2 traffic lights i think HAHA!!

and due to the new place, im officially broke. once again after a long long time. been paying deposits and buying things for the house cos i wanna make it feel lk home :D well, thats the whole idea ryte? get ur own place and stay in and save money. and then save more by not goin out and cooking in. talking bout cooking, its kinda frustrating after stayin in for almost a week now, i havent been cooking anything cos THE BLOODY KITCHEN ISNT READY YET!! the bloody sink la. 1st, the workers delayed work...now the sink isnt working. how to cook?? and i cant reli clean the whole house until its actually done ryte? i just hope everything's done before i return to kch this weekend. man i miss kch

talking out cleaning, i believe i've cleaned more in the past week compared to the total amount of cleaning i did in the last 5 years hahaha i dunno why, but i've been cleaning so much, i dun mind cleaning at all. prolly its cos of the "my own place" idea haha i clean my toilet almost everyday u know!! LOL

erm....i think there's nthg much left to say... i guess im doin alright here, met the right people and friends and they have made my stay here reli comfortable. thank guys :D

oh did i mention, i've been quite active in sports. every weekdays to be exact. :D but this hols, nt really la...cos everyone's away and the puasa month is back. which reminds me, RAYA!!!! but this time i wont be celebrating it in kch...ticket mahal pok!! i hear frens buyin them at 500 pluss... i even heard 700 yday! i could eat for a month with dat money..luxuriously!! haha

n 1 last thing. my bday!!!!!! ITS NEXT WEKK!! TAKE NOTE!! THKS!! :D bye...

how have u been?

2010-05-11T23:15:00.004+08:00

this past month had its ups n down n den ups n downs.

1st of all, i made it to F1!! after so many years of watchin it on tv, i finally made it :D a reli awesome experience with reli fast cars n loud loud vrooms vrooms :D red bull dominated sepang d finish was cool but cocky. it was d 1st time i saw DAT many ppl at one place. like literally packed. it took more than an hour for the place to clear after the race. oh it was reli cheap too! advantages of being a student :D RM150 only for the ticks eh. plus we had reli good seats :)

next was college enrollment. that time was reli a struggle..with popo being avidly admitted to the hospital, it was like reli hard for me to actually decide on goin abroad to study. cos i wont wanna leave cos the doc said "time was almost up". so practically those few weeks, our family spent lotsa time back home at popo's.

then 1st of may came. it was lk any normal day when we got a call to go to the hosp. when i arrived, it was too late. popo left us dy. as everyone had expected it to happen, it was a lil easier cos dad unc-s n aunts had prepared everything for the funeral n mentally too. it was still hard tho.

popo's funeral was diff than than the other funerals i've been to even grandpa's funeral at mum's side was totally diff. popo's funeral was somewhat cheerful. knowing that popo enjoyed watching us all gather back home n play, we actually did. the funeral was not like the "scary" ones ud expect to see on tv. through out the whole thing, everyone played n mingled around. of cos with limits. oh ya, popo loved flowers so we had lots n lots of flowers around n she loved burgers too. so we went to find her a vegetarian burger as an offering durin "meals" lol

another thing that made the funeral a memorable one was that almost everyone was back. only a cous who reli cudn make it din make it for d funeral. those cous who were lost in contact for years came back too. at first we cous were a lil shy to mingle but during the final night, a few of us cousins decided not too sleep to spend the last few hours with popo b4 the burial. so during dat time, we caught up with lost times. which was good. sad case tho that we only managed to mingle during the last few hours.

the funeral lasted 4 days. a day extra cos popo left us late in the evening on 1st may n we all wanted to spend a lil more time with her. n surprisingly, during those days, alms collected were way more than wad we actually expected. wad i learned from popo was if dat if u are nice n humble, ppl will remember u. n alot of ppl did! neighbours from everywher came to pay their last respects n helped out.

the last day, was reli tough. as soon as the coffin arrived, everyone broke down. it was the hardest few hours i've ever been thru. yet, everyone was supportive with each other. a few of us cousins created a closer bond during d funeral n everyone grew closer. oh yes, d funeral was reli taxing one me. health wise. i lost my appetite to eat, got my 1st gastric (i think), cudn sleep n was down with flu. i think i slept less than 10 hours for dat 4 days. now, i have to readjust my sleep time bac to "normal" which is a reli2 hard thing to do.

so after popo's passing, i decided it was a right time to go abroad as i cud finally leave kch without worrying bout popo. i've enrolled for sch n will be leaving at the end of the month. so here i am with less than 3 weeks to spend my time with my frens b4 i come back again.

us all..not all la..but most of us :)

popo with her flowers

my fam

a few of us cous

somehow, i felt that popo decided to leave at the right time. when we all sat n talked. none of our plans were interfered with the 7 days n such "traditions" n that it was a time when everyone could come back. popo, u will always remain in our hearts. even right now, i cud not bliv she's gone. cos she has always been ther. reminiscing the times with popo breaks me down easily. if u knew wad kind of person she was, ud know how we felt. she's seriously the nicest person i know. i dun think ther wud be anyone who would be as nice as she was. that part of her made her passing reli hard.

however, we've gotta accept the fact that she has left us. i love u popo. =(

you're dat near, yet so far

2010-03-01T04:07:00.002+08:00

title explain it? been awhile since i pour what i felt or thought here. or anything at all. life's subtle. i, who was once spontaneous, has become boring. i believe so, that doing nth for the past few months has caused this. but my true intention of posting things here are to say smthg. tumblr's been a bitch. updates are over-ridden by other posts. so here it goes.

i've been swept off my feet. a girl i got to know few months back is guilty for this cause. she's gorgeous, smart, pretty, random, all the sugar, spice and everything nice. dats wad she is. but funny thing is, i've never gone out with her. yes i did see her around. n in fact am not far from where she is, but it feels, she's just so so far away. wad she did back then was intrigued me but now shun from me. well, there seems to be another dude, but to me, he seemed like a lousy control prick. that's wad u wud think if u were in my shoes. then again, i did keep in touch as often as i could, or tried to. but it was more-or-less putting off the excitement of the convo-s we had. everything became different. dull. so i decided to step away. killing off avid contact. and prolly make drop by convo-s once in awhile. but that had not stop me from thinking bout her. how could it? she's the girl next door! not exactly but technically. i did things a guy would do to woo a girl. even made a gift for her and ask for her fren's opinion. but it seems to have done nothing but to frighten her away. now that things are the way it is, how am i to say how i feel? things letting me down plus THIS is dull-ing me all up. but what made me feel slightly better is that, i kinda figured her out. what kind of person she is and what she prioritizes or the reason to her actions. but what good is that? when nth could be done? when there is no chance to let her know how or what i am. it all killed my spirit some way. i compare myself now to myself before. back then, all i could think of wad study work play. id go out early in the mornings, and return late at night. with bright visions of what id do in the near future. now, id prefer staying home, although there's nth to do feeling sloppy and not making money. all i could think of is a vacation everytime but it seems id been running away from my life, my problem. then again, even on my time away, when im not thinking bout problems at home, work, study, family, frens; when i have all the time and freedom to do anything; i think bout her.

i honestly do not know the outcome of this post. would it make things any better or worst. would we be able to talk in the near future or would we pretend to not know. as at this point im all out of hope and do not expect anything. but what would be great, would be a reply to this post, of cos if u did read this. as i know u know bout my feelings and who im referring to, its just best u told me what u thought. cos at this point, all im doing is pretend that id only want to be a fren. i've much to tell, much to write, but it'll all mean nth if u wont reply too. im talking gibberish now and think i shud go

southern girl, could u want me?

2009-12-15T02:19:00.002+08:00

here's the deal. i kinda left blogger haha

go here!!

till then, check tumblr haha

2009-11-26T12:45:00.002+08:00

miss me?? hahaha haven had the heart to blog at blogger or tumblr for that matter. din know wad to write or share. just this. my streamyx potong dy. ccb. not i gotta rely on the slow broadband. than again, better than nth ryte?

2009-11-14T19:49:00.001+08:00

im tired....

2009-11-03T00:02:00.001+08:00

im now on tumblr....lazy here ehhhh

)=

2009-10-25T01:30:00.000+08:00

and a few hours ago...

2009-10-21T23:47:00.003+08:00

again, i thought some more. that was after swee kang when we were talking bout songs and all. till we discussed brian mcknight. so wad i did was listen to his songs when i was back during the evening. n celaka. it hit me. one song ngam chin.

n todayyyyyyyy.........just, just now......i found.....smthg. hahaha

bye2 wanna read lost symbols huahuahuahuahua =D

a new perspective

2009-10-21T15:09:00.002+08:00

its wednesday now. few days have since kl n everything seems to be goin slow. sighh

had a meeting earlier this morning which kinda piled up my "to-do" tasks. lotsa work, lotsa time, no car, bad weather, no motivation. i've been running lack of self-motivation to get things done. cos chances and opportunities are there. bt it seems blur cos there's no proper guideline or guidance on wad to do exactly. all there is, is a picture of what to be done. sighh

yday was an eye opener lahh. it seems, when we think of ourselves as the less fortunate, there are still others who are in much worse situations. i myself, would like to help out at anyways, but it seems, there is nth much i can do at the moment or if there is smthg i could do, would they accept my help. u knw?? its hard..other ppl too have plans of which we may not interfere with. i am in no position to actually alter their plans what more say change or improve them at all. i guess in the end, i might have to let go on "my part" of plans if the other party seems firm on what they are doing.

chances. i think i may have lost my chance last year in doing something i should have and wanted to do. but it seems hard. i have no clue in getting back on "track". sighhh im waiting for another opportunity but time seems to be against me, besides a few other factors. even if there might an opportunity, i'll prefer to wait and make sure that "things are actually what it seems to be". so its hard lahh...i think i should just "hang around" n see how things go. its hard being me.

so i guess i'll work hard lahh n see if things turn out what i would like to be. n wait for the right time and chance. like i said, it all seems blurry now. double sigh.

i am no ready to let go. yet..so i'll wait.

ehh helloo??

2009-10-18T09:03:00.002+08:00

i think i'll be sticking to blogger rather than tumblr. but i'll post somethings up there too laa hahaha

so yday was kinda fun lahh...getting to hang out with alan n alf. bloody 4 months since i saw alf lahh haha so we hung out mostly doing shopping lah. n i bought quite a few ahh haha din know damansara was actually damn posh but nice lahh...hung out at the curve, one utama n a few places b4 we got back to watch movie hahah so few hours lah we walked. i got myself a pair of jeans btw hahaaha

n today, i'll prolly drop by pavilion b4 goin back lahh..see if there's anything to get there. hahha

ohh...the search for the t.u. miserably failed. wtff but i did find the book the lost symbols by dan brown lahh...hahahaha

yday's convo

me: eh time to go.
alan: kk
me: u staying over ah?
alan: yeah y??
me: wher's ur baju?
alan: later buy lah

LATER BUY LAHH hahaha till then...

love compasion and kindness

2009-10-12T11:12:00.002+08:00

i have a friend, who has taught me a really good value. PATIENCE. n how is that?? mamal, the special friend of mine has actually been consistently "off-timed". so yalah...bearing with his timely arrivals, i learned the value of PATIENCE. n yes i can say that i am very PATIENT!!!! hahahahaha

im got my hair done today. n im not BALD eve!! hahaha i got a trim at the barber! been ages since i went to barbers hahaha was outta money mahh haha at first i had doubts lahh but he old dude turned out to be really damn good hahahha cos i had special hair mahh so he said something bout my hair so i find him good lahh hahahahhahaha in the end, i turned out pleased with my hair lahh hahaha i feel so much lk a gentleman =)))))

did i tell u, i have started to play games. again. all i can do is wonder how my crops are doing and when can i harvest them. n if my food at my cafe is done. or the layout of my cafe. hahah thanks to eunice lahh!! funny girl LOL she was playing it and all so yalah. being kinda obsessed with it she talks bout the game hahahaha yday i literally had nth to do so i tried out the game lahh.. n now like dat that lahh...im even playing those facebook games at work lol

ep4 of gossip girl season 3 is out! n hilary duff is in it!! hahahahahahaha she went from chubby to skinny and back to chubby hahahah n she's chubby cute hahahah but then again. she cant beat serena!! hahahah oh S!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

ohhhh ya, daddy said he was proud of me earlier this morning!! hahaha he said i had the 3 above =D

Amaranth

2009-10-11T14:59:00.002+08:00

so far since friday, things turned sour. hehhh..dun wanna talk bout it lahh.

then again, i changed my digi plan to digi campus. darn cheap wehhh.. u can like make call n text so cheap, its hard to actually use the credit up. unless u actually talk otp lahh lol so yalah...switch now ahh. the offer to actually keep ur old number but use the new plan is until this month only. dat day, i actually brought my passport n ic to do the damn thing hahaha but its worth it lahh everyone seems to be fnf-s. haha

ohh. i went for a jog yday. 2 rounds. den close edi bah the place. healthy ryte?? hahahaha but i managed to jog like half a round and walk the rest hahahahahahahaha then after jogging, akid n i went to watch adruce at boulevard cos a few of them went to audition for the twisties bingit. so this twisties bingit is actually a competition similar to malaysian idol lahh..so wad they do is have people audition solos. n then they pick the good ones and put them into bands. so there would be guitar, bass, drum, vocals and even piano. so yalahhh..adruce and the few others joined.

so i got there in time to watch adruce's audition. damn nervous he was. u could see from the way he talk n stood. so he did wad he had to do, played the guitar and answered a few questions and nailed it lah. he was among 3-4 only chosen to go KL right away. meaning to say, he kinda skipped those petty stages lahh hahaha so he got it lahh hahaha so did his bro adeeb playing the bass. both got to go kl lahh but sad case, their parents wont allow them cos of their studies.

then there's another acquaintance of mine, in our group of friends lah but i sure as hell forgot his name. but they call him awie for i dunno wad reason hahaha he nailed it too!! was sent to go kl straight but he dint want too!! he said he joined just to hear critics. wtf ryte hahaha cos he's actually playing in a band edi. n doesnt wanna leave lahh but he was told he had a bright future being a secessionist hahaha even after he already decided not to go, the judges actually gave him another chance by asking him to pick the guitar IF he wanted to go at all. but he DIDNT!! hahaha damn cool oso lahh the way he rejected the offer hahah

and thennnnnnnn, another friend of ours sopie, awie's band mate in another band auditioned. we all knew he would be sent off to kl even before he startded auditioning cos he was dat good!! he already started shredding the guitar when adjusting the amps. wtfffff.. so yalah he auditioned and rocked the stage lahh..kinda shocked and thrilled the judges. plus when he auditioned, he was so clam and all. hahha he asked to audition for the bass and guitar and the judges asked him wad he was better at. he said both haha wtff. he could actually play the piano and drums too wehhhh!!! i've seen him!! so the judges came to the decision and said he could go.but due to age requirements he couldnt. he just joined the damn thing for fun hahahaha min age was 18 and he was 17. so yalahh.. damn cool situation. one of the judge even saluted him. and told him if he joined again next year, he need nt audition at all. hahahahhaha

so u see....sad case huh?? 4 talents asked to go kl for the next stage but cant or dun wan at all. sayang2. oh did u know, jenk, within our group of friends joined last year and actually won. so dats y it inspired the rest to join too...

so now we all know that kuching alone, wad more to say sarawak has really good musicians!!!! and its a sad case the music scene is dull here. so yalahh...my friends and i will keep trying to keep it alive lahh..in the future, after adruce's exams, we'll both have more events at saddad. hopefully and prolly do something bigger.

till then. take care people!!

oh... shud i keep my hair or cut it short or just trim it lightly?? hahahahhahaha

i rock socks and u dont haha

2009-10-09T19:19:00.002+08:00

i feel sorry for my blog cos its feeling deprived hahahaha SORRY LAAAA... too busy ba hahaha

been kinda busy lately. from waking up early in the morning to help dad at work. to setting up meetings. to thinking and meeting again till late at night. i hardly have the time to actually play. sigh. but then again, its all fun lahh hahah cos its fun enough working with friends! =) then besides working, i'll be with the usual people, lazing at mcd, staying there refilling our drinks till late. just routine stuff lahh..sigh. n routine stuff is boring!!

oh!! i started goin to the gym! hahaha gossip girls motivated me in a way lahh.. hahaha in 6 mths tabloids will be rumoring a chace crawford in kch HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA mayb lahh haha. neways, been goin to the gym with piz mal n niq. since last thurs lahh..n we went 3 time dy. so our body's actually aching from muscle pain haha n i swear, i actually feel the muscle growing hahahahaha

then again, there's the segi prom. last prom i went to was BL's prom. so yeah..soooo wanna go lahh lol i just dunno wad to wear only haha who wanna be my date?? HAHA!!

Florence and The Machine

2009-10-03T11:28:00.004+08:00

im sooooo hooked on this band!! thanks to D!!! <3 its seriously darn good cos it has a lil of everything from blues, to jazz to rock to pop to electro. damn cool ehh...plus their songs sounds somewhat "motivating", "inspiring" and "relaxing" at the same time.. lk the kinda songs u can listen to from the movies hahaha

here's the deal again.

2009-09-26T13:04:00.002+08:00

1stly raya was a blast. meeting everyone for long hours till late at nite was really fun. except for someone lahhhh. helped out during mamal's open house too this year. n followed his family around for visiting. n we stopped by tun rahman's place. kinda cool experience lahh..i kena history lecture from him summore lol besides that, did alot of visiting to friends' houses n pretty enjoyed a few of them especially dd's and adruce's =)

then again, there's something else i wanna say. wher's the point of putting my effort when i dun see yours. makes sense ryte. if wanna meet, meet lah, dun come up with reasons saying u'll see lah and all. at this point, i dun reli care if we even meet at all anymore. its seems ur mocking me. i ask myself if u have brains at times. grow up wehhhhh

unpublished posts

2009-09-16T17:35:00.003+08:00

since last month. just so u know, i have i stack of unpublished post that i resent from publishing haha

here's the deal

2009-09-07T09:52:00.002+08:00

again. i've been slacking. reli late nights and late mornings. had intended to follow my dad to work today but it kinda din work out. had my alarm set at 7 but ended up waking at 9.30. i got it all screwed up and i need the cash real bad. i have been procrastinating much lately, postponing everything to the week after. and when it's due, i postpone it again.

here's the deal. imma start wroking tmr. boring onot i will. for the money n to keep my mind off unnecessary stuff. i haven got a plan, but i got an idea. i cant slack no more. there's so much i wanna say, but i guess its better off if i keep it to myself. like usual. that's y im quite pretty much. bye fuckers

greetings from my escapade =|

2009-09-01T08:52:00.002+08:00

i caught a plane to kl earlier this fri. din actually catch the plane cos i missed the damn flight. so i got on the next flight and got my ass to kl. not actually kl lah but nilai haha spent most of my time here n it was a blast. had a blast here and i honestly dun feel lk goin home. had reli good talks with alan. all the poret and shit. so it was good lah

then again, it was quite a depressing trip.
1. i missed my flight to kl
2. lost my phone
3. my dad did not know i was in kl, n i kantoi-ed
4. i missed my flight back to kch

wtf ryte??

bout no.2, i lost my se at the ktm over sentral. mcb. its bloody pack dat time so some ass pick-pocketed me lahh..din reli feel down tho hehe cos i kinda felt it was high time i got myself another phone not becos i wanted too, but becos i had too. camera aint working, the joystick ain reli working, the speakers aint working, the cover's fucked up. so yalah. whoever took the phone must could have felt pissed cos he cant reli do much with it. even to sell it, i think if he did, the shop even pay him to keep the phone hahahaha!!! so yalah, downside's that i gotta spill cash to get myself another phone..sighhh

bout my kantoi thing with my dad, i told him i was heading for damai for the weekends and merdeka too lah. so yalah...he called everyday since he was concerned. and worst, he brought food up to damai without letting me know. then he had to wait. so he called and called. i finally answered. then he told me he was waiting at the lobby with food so asked me to pick it up. MCB i tell u. i felt fucking bad. so i told him the truth and all. said i was sorry. but still lahh....i cud have felt how he actually might have felt!! him sending the food there, to me telling him im actually at kl. gosh...he must have felt bloody disappointed n sad ehh...worst still, when i called him again, he wasnt angry at all.....that made me felt even worst!! so yalahh....kinda blew my day. sigh. im sure it gonna get damn weird when i get back

but then again. after everything, when i missed my flight last night, i suddenly had a feeling of not goin back. still. even now, i dun feel lk it. hehhhh.....im in the departure hall btw. n it just started to rain really badly. till then, chaooooo~ sighhhh...

2009-08-29T09:52:00.005+08:00

its been a few days since we talked, called or contacted. n i was on my way to try forget bout wad has all the crap. till yday. u left a post. not it seems harder to do anything. foolish enuf, i responded. is this a game? i feel so much like a bloody fool that has been played. what is this about n wad r u actually up?? enlighten me n just tell me please. im just gonna sit n wait. makes things easier for me i recon. rather than sorrow myself thinking bout shit n just keep myself busy at any other stuff. its hard already seeing u online. n now dat u cntcted me, it all seems harder again. n plus, ur doing it all over again. u telling me stuff n ur posts n ur tsk3-s n ur sudden disappearance all make me wonder. again! sigh. heard of compassion? get things straight with me n end my sorrow. pls.

aaron aaron aaron...

2009-08-27T00:41:00.004+08:00

restlessness....let me tell u bout it. i'v been feeling that way for the past 1 week. due to that, i was not in the mood to do almost anything. when im home, i feel lk goin out. n when im out, i feel lk goin home. i have the "thing" of being "in-touch" at all times. but then, when im home and online, there's nth to be in touch with. hence i get bored n watch my videos over and over again. i'd watch a lil den wonder off doing something else and feel lk goin out. then when im out, i feel the need to go online. wtf ryte?? im in a fucked up phase now. everything seems to be wrong and just not right. even the songs i put on play just doesnt sound right.

and why am i restless?? i've been expecting a call. one that would change matters. one that might prolly "set me free" from home and all. one that might just be a start to my working life. haihhh... its been a week now since i've waited..

besides that, there are other reasons to add up to my restlessness. how i wish i could just talk to someone bout it. but when i feel lk talking, my topic leads to no where, or rather "have no ground". so its rather pointless i may say. then again, a person to just talk bout the stuff i wanna talk about would be just nice, to share my probs and all. and why cant i share my probs, when everyone esle seems to be sharing theirs with me?? here and there, i listen and "consult"...telling people wad to do but yet, i just cant seem to tell myself the right things to do...at which i'll just let things be and watch them turn on me and break me apart. sucks ehh... or m i just too shy even to tell my closest friends bout what im goin through. why is it so easy for others to share their thoughts and probs? haihhh.. being me seems so hard at times ehh... and i wonder bout others.. how they feel bout themselves. yes, there might be people offering their ears to my crap but then, i tend to choose who to talk to.. wtf rtye.... then again, hear me out. someone. haihhhhhh...

i do wonder...y does it seem so easy for people to not bother bout things n just do stuff...dun they care bout the little2 things? dun they care bout how other people feel?? dun they care at all?? its the little2 things that matters ehh...or does everyone i think about feels the way i do and just let things be and then "it just happened". get wad i mean?? how can things "just happen"? things dun just happen....we gotta think before things actually happen.

i wonder if there's another out there who feels and thinks just like me. hello??

there's a question mark behind my smile u see

way to go Aaron..

2009-08-24T19:35:00.002+08:00

i believe i kinda side-tracked lately...with everything....honestly, i have not been thinking and acting right....been much more a laze and a slump compared to myself before my trip to kl. i guess kl has changed me for the worst hahaha n having the laptop has made it even worst. i begin to laze even more and im starting to feel a lil more reluctant to go work prolly becos i dun need the money till january?? haha

anyhusssss....last week was an awe to me. pretty everything much went the "other" way or rather the way i din want it to be. everything just did not seem right. i felt i have been loosing grip on everything so much so i feel restless in everything i do...pfttt....well, i do hope for a better week..so far so good. no monday blues for me today hahaha cos monday was pretty short!! hahah woke up damn late before anything could actually happen. hahaha not dat late lahh...prolly aroun 11?? hehehe everything seems to move very slow lately. work and all. even play haha the ramadhan is killing me!! yes it is!!! i myself may not be fasting but it certainly kills the fun and the speed of the way things are going!! thus, people work less efficiently...i think...

i have a new resolution. to get things right during the new month!! September it is hahaha cant wait. but before it, i think i need another holiday hahahahahaha just the weekends....starting next week, im gonna make sure i do the thing im suppose to do. money n time dun wait people!!

i watched District 9 yday. its far by the WORST movie i ever watched in the cineplex. stupid movie bout aliens in earth hahaha

gtg now people.....im starting to dislike some people haha n i mean it haha

its been awhile

2009-08-21T01:03:00.002+08:00

alot has happened since the last post. mostly disappointing agendas. fuck them ahhh 18th aug was one of the worst day among bad days in my life. haihhh

skip the fucked up parts, im 20!!!!!! and i dunno wad else to write cos i haven been for a while.

anyways, all i wanted to say is that, I WANT SOMETHING MEANINGFUL. dont we all??

when it comes

2009-08-02T03:19:00.003+08:00

this week is an awe!! everything seemed torturous haihh....ther's thing wif dad lately, saddad, people around me, segi. or mayb its just me ehh?? at times, i need someone to talk to. but i'll prefer to just keep it to myself. see, im contradicting hahaha kimen.

besides that, im goin kl coming weds!! im excited, but not as well. hahhaa here i go again

skype is the bomb!! lol

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalallalalalalalalalala

second thoughts

2009-07-26T22:15:00.002+08:00

this week was a slack. not the good week i had expected. pretty much just like dat. haihh

ian got married. on sat. bout time he got married too hahahaha pretty different this time as there was no wedding dinner but lunch. a good idea tho but it seems to be quite redundant to have it during lunch. its kinda too bright?? lol plus almost everyone was in casuals. hardly any formals. not the thing id like for my wedding haha then again, its okay lahh...food was okay too. besides that, nth much to say bout the wedding. haha!!

today was a dissapointment, really big one. kinda bad way to start the day too. im not angry, just dissapointed. i had planned something but it seems im having second thoughts. i know, u may ask, y bother to be dissapointed or even care, when there's actually nothing goin on. but i just am. n sorry, im not over it. its hard not to think bout it. as open as i may be, that thing was just hard. i hope u get to read this.

im nice ba.... haihh...its just sucks when such things happen..n i hope it doesn happen again.

please dont ask me wads goin on. id like to keep this just to myself. cant tell no one, so i just needed to write it out. esp adruce haha pls...

if we are, we are..so it is!!

2009-07-22T19:04:00.003+08:00

like alan, i have a 5 year plan. a plan of which i wont tell. cos i cant exactly list it out. its purely a sketch in mind of how things are intended/i picture to be in this coming 5 years. i am 20. so i'll roughly be 24++ when things actually come to picture. u will see.... i may have no car. i may have not much money. i may have no house. but in this 5 year plan. im gonna. so im kinda arm-ed and still arming myself to be ready to go all out. u guys will see... things may not work out for me at the moment, but im confident as hell that it is. things are starting to happen. u will see...

if we are, we are. so it is. so dont complain. things that happen has its reasons and form it something will happen. u dun get me? u will see.... i see myself destined for greatness. u will see....

oh ya. im attractively interesting which makes me interestingly attractive hahahaha =) someone said it. not actually said it lah. but it seemed dat way HAHA!!!

hello!!

2009-07-21T18:40:00.002+08:00

okay. i just sent my letter of appeal to segi this noon as my moral paper's on the 8th when i'll already be at kl. turns out id most likely to be sitting for my exam after my kl trip?? so its good in a way lahh. eve can provide me tips hahaha yes?? LOL

so i actually planned out my kl trip a week back. on the 5th, i'll be on my way to kl. the weekends at kl and prolly the rest at the beach. alan's interested to go redang but its kinda 7 hours away from kl plus i have nt made any bookings yet.. huhu mayb melaka lahh or penang =)

oh. i watched made of honor earlier. its good. hahaha Michelle Monaghan is my new <3 hahaha she's hot weiiii hahahahahha

i love chick flicks. yes i said it!! hahahhaha

the take-over

2009-07-19T23:43:00.002+08:00

Andy Timmons was great tonight!! tagged along with adruce as he had extra tickets for the guitar clinic. nice experience tho. plus it was great to a guitar virtuoso!! had a pic with him of whic i dunno wher to get the pic from haha n got an autograph too!! hahaha

alan's left. kch will be slightly quieter. haih. but then again, im gonna see that bugger in 2 weeks!! ahahaha KL baby!! n there's other to see too. i wont mention names ;)

SADDAD's fusion episode 2 was a blast although there was errors.. poor sound system due to some misunderstanding we had...pftttt...but no more next shows....hopefully!! hahahahha come next week tho, we'll be having a ladies night haha :)

had a last at alan's place on fri nite hahaha u'll see why when i get my hands onthe video hahaha

besides that, i think theres nth else to write bout.

i do have a feeling this week's gonna be great!! huhuhu =D

make it mine

2009-07-14T18:49:00.002+08:00

its tuesday, few more days shy to Saddad's Fusion episode 2. everything seems alright expect the pa system lahh. im gonna get to it try lah haihh

mum n dad went to kl last thurs till sun. so i was left the company and my bro n sis to take care off. 3 days acting boss is damn taxing. so many things to do in so little time ehh.. but i managed n im quite impressed and proud with myself AHAHAHHAHAHA

rainfest was up. quite interesting this time. had fun during the show and all and stayed the night at the beach. not because i want to but i had to. i had no choice!! hahaha i lost my damn car keys inside Redha's bag. n redha's bag was stolen dat night huhuhu bloody mistake to leave the car keys in there ehh...lucky i did not leave my wallet or phone with him HAHAHA then again, rainfest was alright lahh. just got into a lil trouble to look for the keys and to find a way back home, WITH THE CAR hahahah so after 12am, when everything finished, instead of hanging out at the beach straight away like everyone else is, i went to look for the keys. i knew it was kinda imposible so i just let it be lah hahaha made sime calls to security to take care of the car and then went to party. so party i did. kinda.hahaha no lah. all i did was hung out, poret, drank a lil, talk then fall asleep feeling very very very cold haha mind u, i was at the beach with nth more than my pants and shirt. no blanket no room no pillow no nothing. well, at least i had the brains to actually "steal" the tilam n sleep on the lazy chair..unlike some ppl who had to end up on the sand asleep and wet HAHAHAHA so i did not reli get a good sleep, kept waking up after awhile till it was 6.30 am when harith asked me to join him to drink HAHAHAHA as much drunk as he is, he asked me to join him summore. hahaha so i did, i din actually drink but hung around for a ciggy HAHAHA den i met some people, wasted a lil time here and there and finally got to borrow adeen's car to go get my spare keys. cos mamal din call and he was suppose to help me get the keys when he's playing golf. apparently, he played golf during noon. i cudnt wait that long. hahahhaa back to the story, i borrowed adeen's car, drove home, got the keys, got my car and drove back. hahahah by then it was 10 smthg2 hahaha ta daaaaa~~~~ my rainfest lol oh ya, i got myself a pretty cool bracelet ehh hahahhaa from rainfest :)

wad rainfest got me into?? isolation. hahahahahaha most of my frens are literally afraid to hang out with me cos ther's a possibility of me having H1N1. wtf ryte?? HAHAHAHAHHA

assignments. are almost done. due tmr. few paragraphs left and a step closer to my diploma and the unneccessary headaches :)

i want a kelisa :) or an old sch pajero :)

today, i wanna talk bout expectations.lol.expectations are wad make us feel unhappy. of cos when we dun get wad we want. so why bother to expect something. or rather to have expectations in general. what ever is, is. if we get it, we do. if we dont, its alright, it wont pinch. so yeah. dun have expectations. im not trying to say not to have it at all but no those of material and u noe wad i mean lah. expectations are actually good, if we have a standard to keep up to. but then again, thats not wad im talking bout. hahaha so yeah....wad ever is, is lah. i dun have huge expectations on many things other than my work. so yeah...i feel rather better lah. or happier than some people i noe. i dun expect so whatever i get im grateful and happy lah hahahaha like dat day!! :) dad bought me smthg. din expect aything but i got smthg. adrian expected smthg, got nthg he wanted. brenda expected smthg, gt smthg else. so yalah. im most happy then lah AHAHAHAHAHHAH :) think bout it

roses really smell like boo boo booooo

2009-07-05T14:50:00.005+08:00

im stuck back home on a Sunday noon. was bout to go out when dad HAD to go out. hahaha so i guess i'll blog. i got my bro n sis to clean the car earlier. not exactly clean but to clear out everything. i was planning to send the car for cleaning :) guess it was bout time the car had a cleaning. last i could remember cleaning the car was a month or 2 back??? HAHAHA dirty piece of shit i tell u!! hahah

SADDAD's Fusion was a blast + success last night. although turn up wasn pleasing on fri but it sure was good last night. they say a good gig is when u get the traffic jammed and to have the cops arrive to stop the gig. BOTH happened!! AHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA so i guess it was good?? lol so this SADDAD's Fusion thing will be on every Saturdays after rainfest onwards :) so its a good place for people to sow their talents lah. n yes i have been getting free food for the past few days!! good food summore!! =D so do drop by n tell your friends bout SADDAD's Fusion.

i've been working pretty much lately, i haven't got much time for myself n even my friends. or some of them. it seems with my "hanging out" hours, its rather hard to hang out with 1 or 2 of them. n it seems they are reluctant to do so. effort betch. effort. wher's it????

n no, i have no seen transformers. expensive oi. im saving really hard for my trip to kl. bout that trip, i think im cancelling bali. prolly gonna check out some other beaches lk redang pangkor or langkawi. then again. i still dunno ehh.

till then, ive got assignments. hehhhhh..........

oh yes, i said it

2009-07-01T21:08:00.002+08:00

this week seem interesting to me. so far, so good. been feeling a good vibe of good things to happen. n it has been dat way.

so i've been called up to help organize a humble event for SADDAD. things are going quite well. although its kinda last minute. seems that, Uncle Saddad wants this event thing to carry on every week. so i guess its good in many ways lah. it benifits SADDAD court, kuching's music scene and of cos me HAHAHA im back in the game baby!!

studies. i find my moral studies quite interesting. but its taking up too much of my time. making some other things quite impossible. is it possible to take the subject somewhere else n come back n claim my diploma??

rainfest. H1N1 is a bitch. even now, im not too sure of goin. BUT then again, parents are prolly leaving for kl that very weekend. so u noe lahh....im sooooo gona partay!!!

st3's fest is this saturday. dad bought rm50 worth of tickets earlier n gave it to me. of cos lah i took it!! hahaha this prolly had to do with the conversation my dad, aunts and i had during bfast. HAHAHAHA so the scouting begins?? rofl!!!

then again there's assignments to do. although its only moral, i've been waiting to get my book before i start doing any of it.

futsal has been an addiction lately hahahaha i feel healthier by the week =)

i said wad i wanted to n i meant it. there's a time whereby there's obligations we need to follow up to. u understand? life isn't as simple as 123s and abc's. it may feel so dat way, but may it be as such in the future?? we gotta start thinking. of things. bout everything except for wad's holding us back. such things only deserve a small thought. we shud look towards the future. if we dun get wad we want, dont hang around too long. it just aint worth the really long wait. we shud be opportunists!! take every chance we have. i learnt the hard way. i waited for 1 then 2 came by, but i still waited for 1. by the time i wanted 2, everything was gone. since then, i've been taking chances. on pretty much everything. on work mostly. but this goes as well as for almost everything.

do u deserve my time n thoughts? im gonna think otherwise if i dun see changes.

kerinduan.

a thought.

2009-06-24T23:42:00.002+08:00

seen people work really hard?? y so? wad is that, that motivates them?? i think it is money, expectations, responsibility, pressure and passion. dats wad i think lah. thats y i would work hard lah. just a thought tho haha

have u watched victoria secret's fashion shows?? damn hot oii!! hahahaha Miranda Kerr = :) haha

23-June-09

2009-06-23T18:43:00.002+08:00

roughly more than a week has passed. n alot happened this pass week. mat's back. so is alan. n some other things too.

dun really have much to talk bout anyways. just trying to keep the blog slightly alive.

then again, we have 2 face asses around....pretty much making me question unnecessary things....like wth is that ass trying to do? and writing this post makes me a hypocrite. so i shouldnt complain. i think. but then, there's work, n i dun have the energy for it. been pretty much up by 7.30am and sleeping around 12am. even on sundays!! besides that, i just miss hanging out till late.

n sports!!!!! futsal n squash oiii!!!!!!!!!

chivalry is dead. n the ladies killed it. =) dun say we guys never tried.

n i want a new tattoo.

fuck H1N1 people!!!! just go rainfest k? hahhaha

n bali in aug might be a no no. prolly go kl only or redang or even penang. dunno lahh....

BETCH

2009-06-12T17:38:00.005+08:00

so a week has passed. been sleeping and waking up early this past week. good boy now. kinda helped dad at the shop, n learnt alot too. n dad's bday was on fri.

earlier, i made a trip wif my family to the hot springs. not bad eh dat place. its kinda somewher around borneo highlands, so its technically located somewher high. its kinda a ulu place with little sign boards for directions so kinda hard to go up there lahh haha so....the hot springs' actually a stream. n the water's bloody clear and cold!! much clearer than those of matang's. n parts of the stream would be oddly warm. so there would be man made rock pools to keep the warm water "around" hahaha and such rock pools would be kinda bubbly. its not that hot actually unless u sit at the air hole for a period of time. hahaha we cooked eggs in the sand oii!!!! hahahaha dats how hot it is hahaha so yeah....kinda a nice place to go. if ur kinda bored and are already running out of ideas to hang out at kuching haha

loads of these butterflies around ehhh

the rock pool. n dad.

finally, urs trully =) hahahahhaa

oh....moral class seemed to be what i unexpected it to be. i could say its gonna be the most interesting subject for my whole diploma course hahaha

chao chao!! work work!!! money money money!!!!!!!

2009-06-09T01:17:00.000+08:00

1 or 2? a or b? choices again...

i'll never stop

2009-06-08T00:08:00.004+08:00

My holidays are over...i think.. imma gonna start helpin my dad at the shop starting tmr. early nights and morning for me till who noes when. haha bout time i start doing that tho. or id feel like ah seng with a house to stay in, a car to drive, frens to hang out wif and UNconstant pocket money hahaha

played futsal on fri. surprisingly, i enjoyed it. almost fainted tho hahaha i have that dizzy2 thing goin on when i over-workout hahahaha

kayak was suppose to be today. apparently somebody's bloody mary visited at the right time of the month!! HAHA!!! however, i got to hang out wif qids. FINALLY. that betch. been staying over at her aunts wif numerous "malas to go out lah" excuses hahhaha plus her pinches and chest punches. mayb i'll give her a chest punch of my own n finish it wif a boob grab HOHOHO

Please call me back.

till then...nights =)

Posers n hypocrites

2009-06-06T01:53:00.002+08:00

as much a hypocrite we all are, just dont make it obvious lah. dumb ass.

we choose what to feel. wad to get. wad to say. dats y we have thoughts. in a case of a sad situation that we choose to feel otherwise, some may call it denial. but i dont. wads the point of being sad causing misery in ourselves? we have a choice. a choice to feel otherwise. a choice to be happy. its all in our head people!!!!!

2009-06-05T02:25:00.002+08:00

wad we feel, is wad we want to feel. all made up by us. our thoughts. same goes to wad we wanna do, wad we want and our desires and all those BS. so yeah....its all in our head. the attachment and detachment. whether we want it or not. or if we chose for it to be or not. choices choices choices......

you and i. are like oil and water.

2009-06-03T00:44:00.004+08:00

gawai isnt dat bad after all. wad is, is the wall i see, the barrier i feel of the people around me. pretty much nth to worry bout.

racism. still exists. unintentionally.

been to the beach pretty much over the past few days. did a lil kayaking yday. last i done dat was in primary 6. fun n cheap. good way to take a girl out on a date hahahaha

guts. is not wad i really have. depending on wad im to do, want to or suppose to.

lately, i've been feeling weird pains. on my chest. the left to be exact. kinda hurts when i take a deep breath or stretch. =S

if u dun want, someone else wud.

i am sexy ;) hahaha

2009-05-30T02:54:00.002+08:00

today was shitty. stayed at home. got out to nowhere n got back. bloody boring.

we're worried cos we care. dun u think so? so yeah...

screw the weekends.

2009-05-28T20:31:00.001+08:00

nothing's the same. if everything was to be the same, why do we make choices?

ash2.

2009-05-28T05:28:00.002+08:00

its 5.30 now, i just got back watching man utd being out classed by barcelona. hehh....n i come home to have my mum telling me i shud stop goin till late.

dad told me to come back home earlier. i kinda did. i came home early. early in the morning.

i missed my parents anniversary just now. felt awfully bad that i did. i forgot eh. kimenn

commitments.

im drained. n lately, i get annoyed easily. although i find myself very patient, it just gets me sometimes. mostly these days. my patience has caused me lots. like LOTS!!

mal's on my couch now. HAHAHA apparently we were suppose to be somewher else. somehow, it didn't happen. abu2. frustrated i am.

i dun get u. ur hard to understand. im frustrated. n tired. =(

y cant we all just be frank? kimen.

im off now. my heads sliding sidewards, n i feel upside down. nights.

im translucent

2009-05-27T01:48:00.004+08:00

things got cleared today. n im glad it did. anymore of it, we'd noe wad to do now. =)

then again, i believe im translucent. others just aint. im tired. reli. i reli do need a break. not dat im not having one now. but a break away. a break indefinitely. all i wish i just had the cash to do so. but ther's things i cant let go. my family. my dad especially.

wads it like living a life of lies n bluff? i've been honest much. we'll see..

im tired...

Game Over??

2009-05-26T02:48:00.002+08:00

BON-JUER!! HAHA

so Qidah's back today. betch!! hahahaha n i got new boxers =) HOHOHO ones lol

nth much happened today. felt lk shit pretty much during the evening cos i felt lk vomiting. but i held it in n yeah. i still feel lk crap.

things kinda got cleared today. atleast it KINDA got cleared. but it got messed up in my head after. i cant think of proper possibilities. i cant tell wads wad. GILA. its playing in my head now. bout wad to do, n wad to say, n wad to feel. imma try clear things up a lil tmr. n we'll see how it goes =)

Game Over? i hope so but guess not. see how its playing wif my head? HAHA pulling strings are not an option anymore.

lk i said, we all seem to focus bout the people around us but at the end of the day, it all just bout us.

dunno lah. im clueless edi.

do u noe the "u noe i noe" kinda thing? it happens in such a way that u noe, i noe, but when somebody asks, i'll speak the truth, just not the whole truth, not the "u noe i noe" truth. just becos its just foe u to noe. n me of cos. then becos of this, things happen lah. u noe?? haha

u spin my head right round, right round...........

AU REVOIR!! haha

The Audition

2009-05-25T01:15:00.003+08:00

yes, the audition. im currently making a play, or running one. i'll see who gets to play who =) u may start playing the role u want now, but do remember, ppl dun always get the roles they want. HAHA

we all seem to think and act for the best for the people, or rather, our friends. but somehow, it always ends up acting for the best for ourselves. dun u think so?

palm pre. i want it. my iphone killer. makes iphone look like a phone without the i hahahaha
sad thing is, i need to save. and the money i save are already for my trips. so if ur nice, u noe lah =)

nth much for tonight. so who do u wanna play in this year's summer drama?? ;)

jupiter rising baby....check these songs out!! huhu

2009-05-24T19:33:00.001+08:00

bloody hell

2009-05-24T03:09:00.005+08:00

today was all bout eddie murphy. watched 4 of his movies just to kill my time. im dat bored...

so we hung out at Tropicana today, had a lil to drink and almost choked myself. damn HAHAHAHA den we dropped by soho n i got to meet steph!! been ages since i saw her n yet we both stay in kch hahaha n yes, im proud of my short hair =))))))

when we're drunk, personalities changes, we somehow get braver (cos we dun think twice or wont) hahaha so we say or do things we think without consideration. personality tweak i call it. so jaga-jaga abit lahh.... mistakes are easily spotted by those who dun reli drink hahaha like me HOHOHO!!!

wad u think isn't wad u think it is. u might think i dunno, but i do ;) i'll just continue putting on my poker face. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA POKER FACE!! LMAO!!

n Qidah, the past are memories; memories of which we remember and treasure; of which is hard to let go, memories of which are not wrong to keep; of which we can use to improve ourselves; of which we think bout everyday. but remember, the memories are the past. n time doesn't tick backwards. there's still alot to look forward to. so, chill k, Miss Kakya Tek??!!! =D

my daddy loves me hahahahahahha

n finally, i need to get a new phone. like seriously now. =S

kakya tek?? hahahahhahahahahahhaha

y did u have to go? boring eh.

2009-05-22T19:40:00.005+08:00

today's friday, im bored. guys wanna play futsal later but i dun feel like it cos its futsal. im just bored. reli bored.

qidah's not in town, she's in miri. mal is hard to find. tsk3. the rest are available but i just dunno. im blur. today din feel like yday. cos it wasnt yday lah!! ahaahahha gai.

yday, i had a brief moment of wildness towards the end of the night. having to see and to know just a lil more puts me in a hard place. wadddaaafuckkkkkk....

niq's got 2 words for u...BE CAREFUL!!!!

godeng's got 2 words for u.....ABIT TERUT!!!!!

qidah's got a laugh for u......HOHOHO!!!!

get the picture???

i've got a smirk for u ;)

oh, my blog just got a lil popular... HUHU!! =D

life is scandalous ;)

2009-05-21T03:18:00.003+08:00

apparently i "jogged" today. more like walk. hahaha eh, i dun need the exercise bah HAHAHAHAHA

so it was kinda dull lah today. seriously. thoughts keep getting on my nerves + frustration. dont u ever learn? or is it prolly just u?

today, i learned that things dont happen 1 way. it takes 2 to have something happen or going on. drama shit i tell u eh. n the way i see things are going, i dun like it much at all. but nth i can do bout it. sighhh...

are u just naive, plain dumb or do u just not care?. i think i noe wads happening. horny shit? someone has not been getting pussy for a long time. meow!!~~~ i assume so lah.. consequences baby...consequences..... its u im talking bout not who ur thinking im talking bout. too much info? fine with me =)

there's a massive bomb set to explode, not knowing when it will, only time would tell. oh when or would a defuser come into play to do his/her part?? time is wad disperses us..

sca-sca-sca-scandalous.... ;)

i have no title for this post.

2009-05-20T02:56:00.002+08:00

my holidays are killing me. im feeling much more useless day after day. for the past week i have been kinda slacking. haven been doing much lately other than hanging out n hanging out. i see my parents like 5 mins a day. and i havent reli seen my grandma since she has been back for NZ. i noe what im up to, which is no good but im gonna do it again tmr. haihh...i reli need something to fill my time. prolly in june i'll start working =)

for the last 2 days, me mal n qdah has been hanging out mostly roaming around in the car. i think the distance we drove around could prolly allow us to reach KK or something.

words for today are...hmmmm.....sincerity, loyalty, lame and "was it purely just fun?" hahahahhaha

oh...i found out i enjoy massaging feet hahahaha dunno y but my hands need to work i guess LOL

n qdah asked for me to write something bout her. qdah is a princess =)

not!!! hahahahahahahhahahahaha =P

megalomaniac

2009-05-17T02:59:00.003+08:00

as of a few hours ago, im tired of kch. tired of the ppl living here especially. somehow, i cant seem to understand how ppl can be such an ass, not that they realize that they are. but if i think that ur an ass, u are one. =) u want names? choi lu lah!!! hahahahhaha

weekends...

2009-05-16T16:26:00.003+08:00

i wonder who reads my shit i write here. if my posts are read for who it written bout or if my thoughts are put into thought?? hahaha

people look forward to weekends but i find nth to look forward to during sat n suns. or fri nights. turns out my weekends are less happening compared to my weekdays. id most prolly be staying at home doin nth or out with frens doing some boring shit.

holidays sucks. make me lazier than ever.

why is it that people discriminate? even i do. discrimination in the sense of choosing who to talk, chat or hang out with. it kinda sucks ehh...... everyone discriminates. making a choice is already discrimination.

expectation's complications.....

2009-05-15T02:42:00.003+08:00

wtf!!!!! angel n demons......more like angel go suck demon's balls. the book is far by more interesting than the movie.....rather disappointed in the movie....it all seemed cramped in to a short span of 2 hours....n many details was left out. although i expected it to be toned down like davinci code, i din expected it to leave out so many info. was kinda dissapointed but it was actually a good effort to put the book into the movie. 6/10???

my flint went missing tonight. somehow, there was no spark to light the flame. kimen!! n now i dunno wad to do bout it.

i am easy to hang out with.

id hang out at anytime with my frens

im smart and cunning

i have my boundries of rights and wrongs

my way of thinkin bothers some people

i question myself anything.

i am noe alot. bout things, facts, people

im good at reading minds

i wait for the right time

i keep secrets well

i dun bother questioning something i already know

i am shy yet daring

i am observant

i dun have a religion cos i question religion's credibility

i suck at small talk

i care of people's feelings

i noe its not right but some things i do

i mock people

i have high expectations

i am a procrastinator

i am a hypocrite

i am lazy

i am in denial, we all are..

i am a fabricator

i am willing to sacrifice

i am patient. very.

i rather do to things face to face

i prefer text to calls

i prefer hang out to texts

i can tell if ur lying, but i wont ask.

i respect people's decisions

i give a stare

im obvious if i dislike u

i try to be as frank as possible

yet i take care of people's feelings

i can take a joke

i can take an insult

i will remember ur insult and joke

i can tell how ur feeling but i wont act

i respect traditions

i try to be as humble as possible

i treasure friendship

i think too much

i am me.

all smiles =)

2009-05-13T01:22:00.004+08:00

today today today....

prolly the best this month so far.

exams are done.

holidays starts.

diploma's almost done.

rainfest is nearer.

although im almost as good as broke.

i got a plan.

and finally.

angels and demons =)

cant wait =D

i shud be sleeping.

bloody exhausted.

mentally and physically.

but im just too hyper.

something made my day.

so im excited.

although, since morning.

again...

cant wait. hahaha

wher got can like dat??????? lol

2009-05-10T04:48:00.002+08:00

it wont take long for people to tell what kinda a person u are. espcially when ur acting whore-ish haha charms are misleading.

it will be soon before people start knowing ;)

deceit

2009-05-09T01:58:00.002+08:00

hehh....ur full of it..

im observing a drama in production. a few more days would would tell. stay tuned. =)

6 words

2009-05-08T17:44:00.002+08:00

production management was a mess....

hung out last night at mimi's, apparently i was actually there to study but ended up just hanging out. crapping till 2. then i got home n cudnt get no sleep.

den i started wondering n i kinda concluded with 7 words. a 6+1 hahah stupid and random but wth hahah

individual, rights, faith, God, discrimination, passion + calculator

calculator was for my exam today hahaha lame i noe -.-

i love u but im not in love with u..

2009-05-07T03:17:00.003+08:00

its 3.20 now. in the morning. im supposed to be sleeping or better yet studying for the test on fri. i've just finished watching slumdog millionaire finally. watched i pronounce u chuck n larry earlier today. n im bored. im sleeping downstairs tonight. just because. hahaha =)

compliments/praises. now wad do i feel bout them? if a person compliments u infront of u, it's fake. if u heard it from someone else that another person compliments u, it genuine. we tend to compliment each other quite often. but how true can they be?? people do it so often, i find it kinda fake?? if thats the right word. hmmmmmmm

a fact from rachel ray u shud noe. once a girl has done it with a guy, even so a rondom one, if its good, HAHA, she'll be emotionally attached to him. like super glue. wad say u?? LOL thats wad makes the single girls unavailable. geddit???? they are still attached!! even if she has moved on, she still have a soft spot for the dude. so its risky?? HAHAHAHA rachel ray told me. i din make this up!! lol

fuck that phrase...im sick of it

2009-05-05T23:38:00.003+08:00

first it used to be diff in a good kinda way....den everyone starts using it.....den its annoying....

I LOIKE!!

its annoying and lame edi ehh.....so stop lahhh..pls.

truth or dare?

2009-05-01T12:28:00.002+08:00

im bored....lets play truth or dare.. =)

123456 haha

2009-04-29T00:11:00.003+08:00

random totally describes today. the Malaysian Studies exam i sat for earlier in the morning was kinda screwed. i din really put much effort in it. turns out that i kinda "screwed up" as i din know at all how to answer the essay part. i pretty much BS-ed all the way. hahaha

everything after the paper was okayy. had fun doing random stuff from visiting the museum, to having ice cream at sunny hill, to house hunting at MJC, to checking out the condom house. everything besides and after that was kinda dull...

i guess the smaller the group u hang out with, the more fun it is?

damn ur 8 letter word Qids!! HAHAHA

Po Po Po Poke-her-face...Im Gonna Poke Her Face

2009-04-26T02:39:00.006+08:00

blahs....its 2.40am. im stuck here at akid's place cos i aint go a ride back. mal sure as hell doesn wanna go back anytime soon cos we all know y huh?? next time i go out, im most prolly gonna bring my own car. dammits....

i've been kinda neglecting my studies of which i should be doing. exam's on tues of goodness sake!! i noe i cant screw up especially now when im so close to finishing my diploma but we all cant help if we're just procrastinate a lil bit huh??

questions and thought has been running through my head lately. and its killing me. but its been a while since i've been having random thoughts so i guess its quite alright.

dad told me yday that he felt annoyed when his eldest bro was sleeping and waking up late hours. and felt the same way again when my eldest cousin was doing the same thing. now he's fucking annoyed when his son IS doing it. he then asked me WHY couldn i just sleep and wake up at normal hours?? i din answer him at all....but i did have an answer!!! I JUST DONT HAvE ANYTHING THING TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING TO/FOR!!! if id wake up early, what am i to do?? if i had told him dat, i have a rough idea of what he would have me through...n im sure i wont like it!! n im glad i din tell him!! HAHA...wise move i must say??

but i figured of thing that would make me wake up early!! the use of the car for the day, breakfast with frens, having told so the day b4 or even class. wad those these have in common?? >>needs and expectations, thus comes the motivation for me to wake up early. So, daddy, please gimme some sort of motivation of doing so. a pay for helpin out at the shop would do just fine. at least its some sort of expectation and a motivation!!

patience is a virtue, they say. as true and stupid as it is, i am very patient. im tired of being patient cos, NOW when i look at it, patience is indeed a virtue but it sure as hell make u look like a FOOL!! 3 more weeks i'll wait. 3 more weeks i'll feel like a fool. than thats bout. but we'll see how it goes then...or mayb i'll continue being patient. as least i know what i want dammit...

oh, i make a visit to villa aidid (if that's how it's spelt) ealier this noon. din seem as scary as it is during visits at night. house seemed big outside but rather cramped inside.

niq said i was expensive love. hahahaha true i must say LOL

religion....history.....what does this 2 have in common?? the way i look at them, both are something people are told to believe. its all made up by those "big" people to somehow make people believe what they want the people to believe. makes sense?? what bout the other side of the story?? both religion and history has both sides of the story we all should listen to. and yes, we are merely just listening to 1 side. common people!!! try doing some research...dun just follow blindy..as offensive this may sound, prove to me if Jesus or Prophet Mohammad actually connected or communicated with God. to me its all wad people was told to believe for ages. u may tell me its written in the Bible or Quran that it is, but, think about it. how true can the Quran n Bible be?? both are written by men. n men have desires and needs!! it may have been some how been altered or whatever. think bout it. things like this should be discussed openly. and no, im not questioning your faith. id respect whatever religionthere is. but just think bout it!! people ask me y i dun have a religion. gime a solid proof. then i'll consider religion. this is pretty much bout religion aint it??

we live paradoxical lives dont u think? we live lives at which we have decisions to make at everytime. decisions of which all has their goods and bads. so which one do we make? me make the best decision, at least that we think it is the best.

people....we meet> friends we make> get fond of them> look forward to seeing them> contact them often> a slack?> turns stale> quite boring> lame> annoying> then silence... goes like this most of the time. how nice it would be if it werent like that??

UHHH....i have more too say....but it'll all seem pretty obvious...go figure!! nuff said....its 4am. goodnight.

inspration constipation

2009-04-21T02:50:00.002+08:00

this i gotta share!!!

my name as awesome as it is hahahahha now try reading it upside down....still as awesome as it was when u read it few seconds back!! hahahahahahah

so i suddenly felt like writing postS! constipation lah ya.......geddit??

Bad English

2009-04-21T02:35:00.000+08:00

i mock bout what other people suck at, of which i kinda suck at too...hypocrite much? haha

so bad english it is.....we all have it. i did a lil reading and i lmao-ed!! hahaha there is the use of the dictionary u noe??? u might think u spelled it right but it might just be another damn meaning!!

dun have one??? gimme a call n i sure as hell will help u out. no i wont lend my dictionary. i bought it dammit!! hahahahahha go buy urs =)

now..so wad do i slack here?? i suck at creative writting. but i do atleast try to get my grammar right!! n i do check the dictionary once in a while. =D

losers....

ME

2009-04-21T01:37:00.003+08:00

Three Things That I Love:

money

friends

ME =)

Three People Who Make Me Laugh

Niq

Mal

Three Things I Hate

fakes

being broke

dum asses

Three Things I Don't Understand

girls

suffering

ME

Three Things I'm Doing Right Now

this crap

chatting

thinkin

Three Things I Wanna Do Before I Die

see the world

see the aurora

repent

Three Things I Can Do

think real hard

fabricate

mock

Three Ways to Describe My Personality

contradicting

understanding

wise hahahahahha

Three Things I Can't Do

kill a person

play the guitar right

extensive exercise

Three Person I Want To Tag

dD

Eve

Tabs

anyone there??

2009-04-20T00:19:00.005+08:00

3 weeks since i last posted shit here....haven had a feel/want/need to blog lately. n i do not know wad to write too...even for this post hahaha

so what was aaron up to in April?
1. Bali!! awesome place...spent almost a week in indonesia. 6 days to be exact. 3 days at lombok and 3 days at Bali. so where's lombok? its an island not too far away...20mins by plane. beautiful place with lotsa historical places to visit. i spent 3 days there which was not even enough. there was still so many places to go....say, a mountain with a lake!!! or the gili islands....so enuf bout lombok...so wads wad bout bali??
bali is beach + sunset + beautiful + party + shopping heaven!!
at kuta, u get to see one of the best sunsets in the world. just b4 sunset, thousands would go to the beach to watch the sunset....the beach of cos is beautiful....bloody long stretch of beach...prolly 1-2km....n its packed!! everytime!! u can get rooms at bloody cheap prices...rm 30 for a pretty decent and big room. i got myself a rm65 room which was next to a swimming pool, 150 m from the beach and it was so big it could fit 3 persons (1 single bed n 1 queen).

shopping there is awesome too!! shopping places would mostly be at legian st. or legian..roads would be packed of stores selling baju, art, food and all...from quiksilver to billabong to ripcurl to D&G to designer brands!! and the the surf attire shops there are as big as warehouses!! sale are almost all year round. buying a branded shirt say quiksilver there would cost aroun 300,000 idr....or rather rm100 or less. buy if u are willing to go a lil further, there would bea quiksilver stall selling orignal items at dirt cheap prices!! at that stall, i bought 10 pieces for a total of rm300!!! bloody cheap...of cos there was a lil bit of sale lahh....i bought so much i had to buy another bag when i went back hahahaha n i almost changed my wadrobe =)

party starts so late i cant keep up. i was out at 12am and back by 2am. n that's when the party starts!!! by then i was drained edi with all the sight seeing i did by foot....plus drinks there are sold at reasonable prices...oh!!! there's mushrooms sold there too!!! the ones u see in Soul Plane hahahah n the party there, from wad i heard from a fren i made there is CRAZY!!! clubs such as Bounty, MBarGo would be packed with hundreds of people!! almost thousands!!

2. so besides bali, i pretty much did nothing since i was back in kch...i lazed alot.....goin back to my odd sleeping hours...pretty much hanged out alot with frens and all

3. reading. i kinda picked up reading while i was at bali...somehow i dunno y but i did!! hahahah

4.exams are near....very!!!

nth else....i think hahaha tuluu~~~~

PANAS!!!

2009-03-30T15:40:00.003+08:00

i think this is the hottest kuching has been for since i dunno when. damn.

last saturday, i happened to join my dad to visit my dad's granddad for cheng beng. haven seen the old man or his grave before so i figured i followed. happended to be the only grandchild to do so, just so u know. =) and the dude has been gone for like 50 over years ehh. i actually kinda woke up for the batu kawah kolo mee but din manage to cos they ran out. at 10am!! try imagine how good the mee is!! its dat good, people drive all the way up just to eat it.

then on sunday, i visited my grandad's grave. now this dude has been gone for 20 some years. n when i was at the cemetary, i walked like i owned the place or something. seems kinda peaceful there?? damnn

den on sat night, there was this earth hour thing at Green heights Mall. so i went. short event but damn nice lahh...lotsa ppl dropped by and all...bla bla bla....candles....stickers.....girls.....music.....bands.... n finally agony... felt like crap after the earth hour...i somehow started to mock everything. damn cranky i tell u.

ever felt like u wanna move so bad but when u think bout it, there's so much left back to do. the people and all. i jus cant seem to make up my mind when im thinkin bout this. darn.

havent been lettin my mind wonder much lately. prolly cos of the gradual sleep im gettin lately. im liking it now, but its pretty tiring.

51 hours away till i go away for another week. a week less of dramas, although there's not much lately. a week of time just for me. no frens no car no parents no work no studies. just my time alone. it will get pretty lonely but im up for it. =)

loosing my way

2009-03-29T03:31:00.001+08:00

Hey excuse me

Hi my name is Bob and I work at my job
I make forty-some dollars a day
I used to be the man in my hometown
'til I started to lose my way
It all goes back to when I dropped out at school
Having fun, I was living the life
But now I got a problem with that little white rock
See I can put down the pipe

And...

And it's breaking me down
Watching the world spin round
While my dreams fall down
Is anybody out there?

It is breaking me down
No more friend around...
And my dreams fall down...
Is anybody out there?

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself...
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself

Losing my way
Keep losing my way...
Keep losing my way...
Can you help me find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way...
Can you help me find my way?

Now you gotta understand I was a family man
I would have gave anything for my own
But I couldn't get a grip on my new found itch
So I ended up all alone
I remember where I was when I got my first buzz
See I thought I was living the life
And the craziest thing is I'll probably never know the color of my daughter's
eyes

And it is breaking me down
Watching the world spin round
While me dreams fall down
Is anybody out there?

It is breaking me down
No more friend around...
And my dreams fall down...
Is anybody out there?

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself.

Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help me find my way?

Oh my god please forgive me (father hear my pray)
'Cause I know I've done some wrong in this life
If I could do it all again
Have just one more chance
To take all those wrongs and make them right

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself.

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself

Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help me find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way

2009-03-23T08:35:00.000+08:00

its a wonder what info we can find out using the I.P. address...

HAH!!

2009-03-23T08:01:00.002+08:00

at times, we think we understand; but we sure as hell dont. and yeah, i cant figure u out. all i know is that a word describes u best. FAKE.

2009-03-20T02:05:00.000+08:00

11 DAYS AND COUNTING!!.... =)

Aaron needs more time

2009-03-18T01:04:00.002+08:00

it has been a week now since i started helping my dad at his workshop....doing chores, driving up and down, meeting people, learning a lil bit of this and that....so its actually kinda good, since its making me sleep and wake up early....and eating properly too....

im almost done with my assignments...company law has been a bitch to do. i kinda over did it n had to redo the whole thing again...darnn....plus production management is a total blur to me. i know 0 bout it! 0!!!

with work n assignments keeping me busy till 5pm, id sleep for awhile after and then hang out wif my friends till 12 or so...after that, im back home to sleep n then id repeat the same thing again. is this how working life feels like? its wad i wanted but it damn tiring....

plus, i barely seem to have enough time my other friends or myself!! i cant seem to find time for ME!! i dun go online as much anymore...even if it is, its just a while....oh bali....i cant wait no longer...

i need 30 hours or mayb a lil more per day....

wads worst is that when i pooped just now, i pooped a lil extra....my shit came with blood. =S is that bad or something? or i just need more water?? crap....

?????

2009-03-15T22:06:00.002+08:00

do u realize people hardly say goodbye in phone convos anymore? esp the convos between close friends and family. then it becomes a habit and then to almost everyone, we dont say goodbye.

do u realize songs we dun like listening to, or those we mock, we somehow end up liking them?

have u felt like going out so badly when ur at home and once ur out, u just feel lk goin home?

have u felt so tired/sleepy when ur out, n when ur home, u just cant seem to sleep/rest?

do u feel that when u have something fun (new/old), u are very fond of it, and cant leave home without it or cant stop thinking bout it. n when a period of time goes by, it gets boring and u just leave it aside, n not "layan" it at all? same thing goes to songs, people, or simply everything

have u ever have a passion or interest for something, that u work very hard for or with and then one day, u just loose total interest in it?

have u ever felt so annoyed/angry/negative at someone, but when u see them or talk to them just for a lil while, u would just forget the negativity?

have u ever thought wad is, isnt and wad isnt, is??

have u ever felt u grow up just too slow?

2009-03-11T22:17:00.003+08:00

i was randomly checking out profiles in facebook till i came upon one that struck me up the ass. i had a look at the friends he had, and all i could see was fakes/immature-s. the dude himself seems like one too. i reli dunno wad to say but just feel disgusted on the way they talk to each other and give each other nicknames. wads worst is that i see that dude in college with his bunch of frens. no, i do not hate him. im just disgusted. with his frens too. damn. wad made it even worst was that one of my fren is in their so called "gang" or simply just their group of frens. a smile they fake, converse in ways that make me feel disgusted, overdress, are immature and yet try to be grown ups. ewwww. i feel like somehow "saving" my fren but wtv lah. im over that period of being too nice and cheesy.

i dunnolah....ppl may think the same way bout me. but i dun bother. this is my thought tho.

my fren, u might noe who u are if u reli think hard.....

HAHA

Sky... =)

2009-03-03T19:54:00.000+08:00

Sky (feat. Ingrid Michaelson) - Joshua Radin

I woke
Dreaming we had broke
Dreaming you left me
For someone new

And you cried
Drying those brown eyes
Crying you're sorry
Sorry won't do, but...

This is the way I need to wake
I wake to you
And you never left me
All that I'd dreamt had been untrue
Open my eyes
I see sky

Oh, oh, oh woah, you know
The way to keep me on my toes
I, I, I will be fine
Just say you'll stay forever mine
Till we fall asleep tonight

Last night
We had a great fight
I fell asleep in a horrible state
Then dreamt
That you loved my best friend
My heart would not mend
Seemed it was fake, but

This is the way I need to wake
I wake to you
And you never left me
All that I'd dreamt had been untrue
Open my eyes
I see sky

Oh, oh, oh woah, you know
The way to keep me on my toes
I, I, I will be fine
Just say you'll stay forever mine
'Til we fall asleep tonight

Sometimes I forget to
Love you like I should
But I'd never leave you
No, I never would
I never would

Oh, oh, oh woah, you know
The way to keep me on my toes
I, I, I will be fine
Just say you'll stay forever mine

Oh, oh, oh woah, you know
The way to keep me on my toes
I, I, I will be fine
Just say you'll stay forever mine
'Til we fall asleep tonight
'Til we fall asleep tonight

for those who actually reads my shit

2009-03-02T02:29:00.006+08:00

i've been sleeping aroun 6am for the past few days....since tues to be exact...due to my assignments....well just assignment...malaysian studies....its long but i've been writing a few hundred words when im up....i seem to tend to wonder off watching videos and chatting.

its the month of march now. a month more of dramas and disappointment before i escape for a week once again. so far, im hinting alot of things. and thinking too. mostly why, when and how questions. who without the doubt is about a few people. honestly, im not liking any of this hints. cos usually when i hint, im right!! it just works that way.

for those who actually read this blog, i may have no idea who u actually are. but yeah, i appreciate it. this dude typing this all down is going through quite a rough time. and im sorry for typing all over the place. its just the way i blog.

i take actions damn slow at things cos im no good at it but anything else, im pretty darn good. i work hard and all, dont count in the procrastination lahh...hahhaha but some things dun go my way. pretty much everything else does. prolly its just kuching ehh?? been hanging around here just too long.

"Everyone sees what u seem to be, but few know who or what u really are" >> u noe onot??? this is wad expresses me best, now and ever. be it everyone i know or even close ones around me. how well do they know me? my parents, my besties, my siblings, my frens. i figure none know me as i really am. some may understand but dont really know. thats y i give people the benifit of the doubt and all. a thing everyone should do but a mistake to do. besides that, id try to understand some people. some i've figure out. but when i do, its just too late.

sometimes u dunno wher u stand anymore. or u wont know how people see u from their eyes or how they'd react/respond to u. and from that, wad used to be, is not anymore. this goes to everyone i relate to.

oh, did u know how much it sucks when an effort is turned down even before it is made or done?

some say but dont do. think hard. it mayb just u im talking about. im talking bout a few people right now.

im just dissapointed....in everything....and in y.o.u.!!!

cant u all just tell me and spare me the thought n dissapointment?

i want...

2009-02-27T00:10:00.002+08:00

i wanna have more money
i wanna travel as often as possible
i wanna move out of the house
i wanna get myself a car
i wanna make money on my own
i wanna make so much money, im filthy rich
i wanna finish my studies asap
and most of all...

i wanna go Amsterdam before im 25!!!!!!! =)

blahsss

2009-02-24T01:36:00.002+08:00

assignment this semester's a bitch!!! the whole semester is actually......wait....SEGi is too!!!

smarty pants SEGi came up with the idea to lengthen the semesters to 5 months from the normal less than 3 months long semester period since they "upgraded" from college status to university.

what has it done? >>>HAVOC!!! dats all it has done....students are taking more subjects unlike before.... timetables for students are pretty much fucked up..... we dun get to see our friends as often..... and people are getting more lazy by the day....

what has it done to me? >>>i became lazier than ever before.....i have classes on mon noon, thurs night and sat noon....besides that, i either sleep or just laze around at home(now that something cheesy is coming up)....i feel useless at times.....i think my parents are begining to hate me......

wads worst...i get less pocket money!!!! seriously!!! i haven been receiving pocket money for the past 3 weeks!!! y?? cos i din get the chance to ask for it....y?? cos i dun wake up for day classes....and when i do, i tend to forget....cos there aren't enough day classes per week to let me ask for pocket money....get wad i mean??? i broke as ever.... =(

assignments a bitch btw.....malaysian studies especially....there's 3 questions of which we can choose from.....all 3 are 3k word essays.....2 topics of which needs alot of research to be done......and that when u are halfway through the research, u'd end up not knowing wad ur doing cos there is just too much reading to do......that 2 questions are sensitive as well.....very RACIAL in that sense.....the final questions too common to do.....i bet everyone's gonna do dat onw so i somehow initially tried reasearching the 1st 2 question....i think im ending up with the doing the "common" one.....

wads worst....a stupid subject is asking for a 3k word essay.....WTF right??? hahahahhaha

i cursed hell lot edi......n broke my new year's resolution HAHAHAHA so what???? wait till ur in my shoes.....hahahhaha i bet some others are having it worst....with never ending assignments.....but mine's bitchy enough!! DAMN......

its all SEGi's fault.......dun study there!!! go somehwer else!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

i so wanna move away hahahahha darn.....

2009-02-22T02:51:00.002+08:00

check out my new playlist!!!! huhu

MGMT baby!!!!

damn cool band wif wicked sick songs....

dunno if u'll like it lah heehe

WOW!!!

2009-02-20T19:18:00.003+08:00

this is coming the 5th year i now Mal, and this is the 1st time i saw him do the dishes on mon!! hahaha Not his house summore!!!! AHAHAHHAHA

my kk trip! day 1,2,3

2009-02-16T00:31:00.005+08:00

its been long since i've been back and i've been pretty much lazy to do this post cos there's alot of pics involved and i wanna show most of them!! so this is just day 1,2, and 3...will do the rest when im free =)

KK Trip Day 1,2,3

check it out ther!! uploading pics in blogger is just a bitch!! lol

ohh...dun feel weird if i loose contact of the world or somewhat disappear for a moment of time...i wanna "repent" at home to save cash and finish my assignments....there mayb a few things or 2 that may have slipped my mind....mayb just on purpose that it just did....or not!!! im experiencing somethin pretty fucked up right now honestly....n i trying to pretend its not happening....prolly dat was how i do it by having my very special version of v-day as mentioned in the previous post.....we'll see wad happens and i'll keep u updated....it'll get interesting.....sooner or later....but i promise there'll be a story to tell.....

ukee, happy belated bday! had no creds n no signal to wish u yday! hehehe was pretty off too if u noe wad i mean...

so how was ur valentines?

2009-02-15T23:31:00.005+08:00

im not the into valentines kinda person...i just feel that its just over-rated...for now.....but dunno if i'll be "celebrating" it or not nex time lah hahahahahahahhahaa

so how was valentine's in kch??
- bloody day caused a bloody jam in the town center!!!!! everyone seemed more eager to celebrate that particular day rather than to celebrate any other national holidays or anything...n prices for gifts and flowers would shoot up the roof top!!! (try buying them days or weeks earlier!! lol or plantur own roses!! lmao) dats y i said its over-rated huhuhu!!!! some frens got dates im sure!!! hooray!!~~??? some frens din!! boohoo!!~~??? so wad was i doin in town during dat day??

so how was my "valentines"??
-spent it over dinner with my family!! hahahah den had a MINI BBQ gathering at Alf's place den i headed to town!!!!
-there, i was alone, in the car....heading to the 7-11 opp hilton....goin to buy coke so my frens and i could mix it with JD!!! hahahahahahhaha in the jam alone, i was stuck almost 15 mins of which if i walked to harbour view, at wher i was heading to, was only a 5 mins walk away!!! darnn.....
-so technically, i spent "d-day" or v-day with friends!! watching a live drama and all, hanging out till everyone was too tired too move or talk!! ended up sleepin around dawn n waking up at 2 or so....
-oh...i watched the grammy's too!! hahahahahhahahahha

and after dat, a few of us ended up at the beach!!!! just for a trip...had a brief swim and made new frens!! lol

then i was back...n i arranged my flights!!! i had been spilling all my cash into air tickets!!!! all my cash!!!!! i asked some friends to go along with me so it would be fun and all.....

however, some din wanna go and some din replied.......n some i din even bother asking at all....cos i noe it wud just waste my time doing so......some i wud have offered to pay for their tickets cos its just too darn cheap, but, did not replied.... well, the way i think of it, it just ur lost lahhhhh!!! hahahhahaha im being an ass aren't i?? HAHAHAHAHAHHA =P

so wher m i heading too?? im goin bali on april and august!!! then next jan, im goin to jakarta!! i just love airasia =D made life more fun for me hahahhaha n wad made it better is that, im not travelling alone!! i have friends joining me =)

so that's my "v-day" lahh.....din turn up being miserable loser at all....just as v-day was valentines to some, v-day to me was >> vroomvroomimgointravelingandibookedthemalljustTo-day!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA =D

oh...did i mention dat i got my x.y.l.o t-shirts?? hahahha how many people have their very own blog t-shirts?? i do!! hahahahah i have 5!!! all in diff colours!!! but now im left with 4...gave one away today!! lol

now i gotta start saving real bad!!! hahahahha not alot, just enough!! im a backpacker and i travel cheap =) n fun!!!! hahahahahahahaha

2009-02-14T01:41:00.001+08:00

i see ur true colours

its hard defending u

but still, i tried

now i noe

gahhhhhhhhh

SHITTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-13T00:29:00.002+08:00

damn the time.........crap!!!!

i missed the booking period by a few minutes!!!!!!!!!!! bali is a no no now!!!

i had a talk with my dad earlier n he allowed me to go ther but then i missed the damn booking period!!!

it now costs 1k plus just to go there...n initially it was only rm166!!!!!!!! damnnn

im sad!!! booohoooooo =(

huhuhuhu

2009-02-10T00:40:00.003+08:00

tickets at air asia are dirt cheap now eh!!!! seriously.......

esp the flight from kl to bali!! RM9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ohh....bout my trip to kk.....uploading pics is just too damn fussy!!! hahaha i did upload them at myspace but uploading them at facebook is just a bitch!!! lol

anyways.....KK was great!!!! long story short, its blody fun to travel alone, from finding places at a foreign area alone....to walking miles n miles n miles!!!!! to experiencing new things!! lk DIVING!!! hahahahha

but it does get real lonely at times....seriously....at a point, i'd miss my friends and family too darn much n i'd start calling n texting lol.....

oh....travelling can be cheap too!!! if u want it too lah....n do bring a map along if u wanna go travel alone lol

bout my disappointment earlier.....its really stupid lahh.....seriously....n i still wanna move....KL mayb....plus if i stay ther, tickets around places is cheaper!!! hahahaha id travel more often and all =D

oh.....another thing disappointed me again....somebody told me earlier bout something that somebody is taking a break from......F!!!!!!! damn hypocrite of that somebody ehh....pluss, im actually feeling nothing!!! jus disappointed.....lol

oh bali.......hope i see u next month!!! huhuhuhuhu